If I'm forced to migrate, it'll be to Swiss.

Switzerlandswitzerlandswitzerlandswitzerlandswitzerlandswitzerlandswitzerlandswitzerlandswitzerlandswitzerlandswitzerlandswitzerlandswitzerlandswitzerlandswitzerlandswitzerlandswitzerland

http://www.explara.com/blog/17-alternative-places-to-visit/

To Travel

Looking forward to more headaches on maps out there :)

Credits to Cindy.

That bald spot D:

Learn A Little

Going through old blog posts and currently staring into the screen of my company's laptop, thinking how it's always so sentimental when words try to pour itself out; treating this as some diary as it is.

I've been so caught up with work that time management is a huge struggle. As they put it, everything has its pros and cons. So let's try to focus on all the pros where I've found love in travelling around. And being in the travel line, it doesn't get any better than the places I've been to in the past year.

Pros: Travelling
2015 January - Taipei, Taiwan
2015 April - Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam
2015 May - Switzerland
2015 June - Krabi, Thailand
2015 August - England
2015 November - Dubai, UAE
2016 January - Singapore
2016 March - Taipei, Taiwan ( upcoming! )
2016 April - Bangkok, Thailand ( upcoming! )
2016 Some time along the road - Thinking of Boracay for personal trip. :3

Cons: Personal Life vs Work Life
Then again, when you've gotten promoted just because 3 seniors have left, you're forced to fly right before you learn how to crawl. And after a hectic few months, you finally have some time for yourself and you start to wonder what's all that about?

It strikes right to the heart when you know which are the priorities, but you choose to look over quotes and advises from Google, not do anything about it and just feel bad about it.

Career success at what cost?
"Some of us work jobs that allow us to clock out at 5 and have the rest of the day to ourselves. But when you work in a demanding area, you don’t always get that luxury. You’re sort of always working, and sometimes that can get in the way of your personal life and the relationships that matter most to you. Either you have to draw a line between your life and your work, or eventually you’re going to have to chose between one or the other." - as quoted by Thought Catalog

Results : Don't Get Me Wrong
Don't get me wrong. I love my job, though it can be exhausting at times, but to hell with it. I love my job and the opportunities the company has been offering.

As for personal life, media's done its way though The Devil Wears Prada and got me looking at what's been wrong. ( I had brought work home, together with the stress, mindset and frustrations, if there were any ).

Slowly but surely ( with a lot of encouragement given from my mom, bf and HOD ), things are starting to be under control. Of course, there's always a lot of room for improvement. You learn everyday. What is there not to learn?

I Miss Writing Here

Look at the subject line. That says it all.

So much has happened. Some good; some bad.

Life's about work, work and work now, and this mind here can't stop thinking about it (work)!

Not that it's a bad thing.

I just miss writing here.

Look at the subject line. I'll be back.

Take this letter

Dear Mr Right who came at the wrong time,

It's been 3 years.

I never know that a person can actually love someone for such a long time, especially when both have not been communicating at all for so long. Haven't been seeing you in a while, neither have I any news about you. How are you? Last saw you at convocation's briefing day and convocation day itself. With that small acknowledgement from you 12 weeks ago, it's good to know you've been great and planning on getting a Master's Degree. How I wish we could do more than just nod the other day.

Take me back to the past as I listen to "All Too Well"; the main reason why I don't want to suffer from amnesia. I wish I have a tangible something that reminds me of you. Left all movie tickets, gifts, photos and books on your shelf two Valentines ago, and it was nice knowing they were still there mid last year. It was nice. Though, sometimes I do wish I have more than just memories.

I'm more than happy (honestly, surprisingly) knowing you found a better half. She must be the luckiest girl around with you by her side during the best and worst. They all say I'm crazy, but someone once put some sense into this crazy mind that once went on full psycho ex-girlfriend mode, telling me "if you love me, you would let me go." Cliche, I know. But not unless you look at it differently.

Too many times I wanted to message you and ask you out, just to catch up on what's been new. Somehow, I'm good where we are. Memories are good this way. Guess I was never a good risk-taker, because I don't want things to be worse than how they are now. I miss you, yes. But I don't want to know the real you. The person I know will always be that special person around.

Don't catch me, but also don't forget about me ;) Take care.

PS: Guess what? I'm out in the dating game again. :p

Bring me back to 2013

A reconciliation happened two years ago. More friendships bloomed from there. Met them crazy bunch. It became a weekly thing. In the events of events, it was a daily thing.

The last two years had been the best.

If I thought a failed uni relationship was life's worst loss, I was wrong.
I miss them so, so much. All of them.

Plot Twist

What was supposed to be a short bike ride,
Ended up with the tire puncturing in the middle of nowhere at 11.45pm,
With work the next day.

What was supposed to be simple ride home,
Ended up witnessing an accident right before my eyes,
When the car sped right into another just a lane away.

What was supposed to be a healthy badminton session,
Ended up limping for the next few weeks,
When I twisted my ankle for the very first time.

What was supposed to work out in the name of boy-girl relationship,
Ended before anything started,
Which turned out to be a very fortunate ending.

What was supposed to be like any other lazy weekend,
Ended up having us working 12 hours a day at PWTC,
When MATTA Fair intruded for the very first time after working 3 months.

What was supposed to be just all innocent and happy-go-lucky thinking,
Ended being cautious and alert and street smart,
When circumstances pushed a little too far for comfort.

What was supposed to be one Bravissimo and no more,
Ended up sparkling up a really special friendship,
With board games and new people and a reconciliation.

What was supposed to be just work 9am-6pm,
Ended up looking forward to lunch every weekday,
When colleagues became friends,
And when colleagues became companions :)

Destined but not fated

The first step was filled with fear, doubtfulness and uncertainty.
The next few months saw how life could change so much for the better, if only you believed.
In less than a year, I watched how cell multiply and how miracles happened, attended a leadership camp at Cameron Highlands, was photographer for an event, and became a part of the sounds and lighting crew.
For once, I felt that sense of belonging, and always thought I was fated to stay in HSG.

That turned out to apply only for 2013.
And this heart wrenches a lot, thinking about how I don't understand them people who helped me through it all, and how I don't feel belonged anymore.

Things started to change ever since "what about the future?" popped up.
Personal problems came up and accumulated to that all at the same time.
Slowly, HSG didn't feel like that place I looked forward to go to anymore.
And not sure how Friday nights were no longer cell nights anymore.

And just when all was about work, other's happiness and worries were thrown at me.
So though I wasn't able to serve in HSG anymore, it was a starting point.

I always knew someone up there likes me and wouldn't leave me without a purpose on earth.
HSG was great but I don't belong there.
Let's go render somewhere else.



Go out and get some sun.
The sun almost killed me.
Thunderstorm and lightning it is then.

Dahmer turned Dobler

What's that saying of letting a relationship grow organically?

It didn't start with love at first sight, nor was it anywhere near taking a second glance.
Nope. Not even a second thought of each other crossed anyone's mind.
The two had nothing in common, and they had no clue what each other does daily.
It wasn't all fireworks or love letters.
It was just a plain no way, José.
Not sure how the two exchanged numbers at the beginning to say.

He doesn't talk about flowers or chocolates or romantic dining places.
Instead, he says you're a weirdo for choosing to download a movie rather than heading to the cinemas.
He talks about that hot girl in his workplace one time and hates it that you keep bringing it up again.
You talk about buying a car/house in the future, and he tells you he can save enough money by then.
What.
Where.

Never once he hides signs of that typical (ugh) guy whom you just know you'd never bring home to meet your parents.
Indecisive. Quiet. Foul languages. A drinker. Sweet talks to all the girls.
Let's not even get started on his English proficiency.
Okay. I just went all out criticizing.

You had to do the rational talking and reasoning and tell him to stop being such a whiner.
And for God's sake, was it that hard to tell a little white lie between work and uni?
Then later on you find out, that he can't sweet talk at all.

Sam pat and stingy. That's how he describes you. Right.

Never once did you think it'd lead anywhere.
You try to give it a go and see where it goes.
Still nothing and things are better off as friends.
Then suddenly, something happens.
Not sure how it started, and can't remember how it came to be, but kinda seeing how it goes.

"I need to pee."

Okay. Down the drain goes all the remains of a could-be beautiful story.

People come and people go

Most of the time, it's what happens that changes a person.

For me, it's bad experiences and failed friendships.

Proud to say the former opened my eyes to better things in life.
Not proud to admit the latter placed my priorities into work, fortune and power.

2 years ago, Z and I had this major conflict going on. We ended up with a bigger conflict that was able to send years of great friendship down the drain. But it's funny how when two people put all ego and anger aside, are able to forget the complicated past and pretend that the last 2 years never happened. Words cannot describe how grateful I am to retain this best friend. Z now has a beautiful girlfriend whom I can't wait to meet!

The same time Z left back then, J came. And at my lowest moment in life, he introduced a group of friends whom seemingly would never leave. I made a mistake back then, and they looked through all ugliness and set me back up on my feet. They became who I turned to during my gloriest times and were the gang I constantly hang out with no matter during crazy moments or dreadful times. Good things don't last long and 2 years later, I unintentionally made the same mistake. I never got the help and (not intentionally by any of them), the feeling they gave me sent me drowning every night. J now has a talented girlfriend, and tells me he can never hang out with me like how we used to.

Life's not sad. I've just grown up. Maybe a little immature on the latter friendship? Yes, that I admit. Life is more simplified than it should be. But right now, life is about healing that injured ankle I twisted last Saturday night and get back on my feet. This time, independently. I got this. Friends don't stay forever. And for those who do, be on the lookout. You can't trust anyone 100% anymore.

Except them family members, because who will be more excited to know you achieved the highest CGPA in your faculty, was selected to compete for the coming valedictorian spot, has this potential boyfriend material driving you to places and actually lets you try it out before you call the final decision, and has a bright future in this current company (because the strict executive director looked up to you, not the general manager whom you've known since 6). It's them family members who will not make you choose between worse and bad, whom will not make you feel guilty of the path you've chosen, and though they don't understand where you stand, they always have your back no matter what. Sorry to disappoint, but if you make me choose between anything and family, I choose them loved ones.

Come Home

Guess I just needed a break for awhile,
To get my mind off things awhile,
To relax just for a little while.

Because all those times,
When I thought I was relaxing,
Those were the moments where it hit the hardest,
And the most painful.

Until meeting Kee Yee 4 hours ago.

I don't know.
It's too hard to say.
It's only been a couple of hours,
And I act upon strong emotional feelings.

But if he can score a CGPA of 3.90,
And still be enjoying life happily,
With full acceptance of his condition,
(It's the first impression I got from him),
Why not, right?

Neuron muscle disease,
Or something like that.
He looks into the future so,
So much.

I don't make sense.
I hardly do.
But show others your best side.
And show yourself that too.

Officially a working adult

No longer on Facebook much nowadays.

No longer any uni days and able to walk around the mall at 10:00.

My student ID only expires December 2014 though, and if that's not something to celebrate, then I don't know what is.

You know you're becoming an adult when :

1. You start reading up on bank accounts and wishing you had enough to open a FD account

2. You look into insurance A LOT

3. You know how much you have for EPF and SOCSO monthly

4. You know EPF is KWSP, and SOCSO is Perkeso (Google helped a lot)

5. Checking LinkedIn a little more than you should

6. There's no time for Twitter (remember the times you said you'd secretly tweet at the office?)

7. There's no time for lunch!

8. You actually stay in the office until 20:00

9. You start using 20:00 instead of 8pm

10. You dread Wednesdays because your friends made badminton a weekly thing on Weds nights

11. You can't wait to go home straight after work and get that good night's rest

12. And the worst part? You start declining all weekday night activities and rather cuddle up in front of the tv for an hour before heading to bed at 22:30

(And when I say "you", I meant me. I guess not everyone does the above things, but well, meh, that's currently me. There's a lot more to the list where I never thought I'd do in my early 20's.)

Okay. Current status: Boring working adult.

Much has happened and much has changed

So much has happened since the last time I blogged.

Done are the intern days in Prestige and here's to the first week of this full-time position as a management assistant at CIT. No longer a student. The world now welcomes a brand new boring working adult.

Here's a short update for the past few weeks:
1. UCSI days are all done with the last day of intern on 30 April.
2. It's not that I don't fancy Korea, I'd just rather choose countries that speak English.
3. Loving Broga Hill. Need hiking shoes. Need more stamina. Need to stop being afraid of heights.
4. Thinking of rollerblading.
5. Still an introvert here. I'm boring (not "bored", to all you grammar nazis out there) but I'm loving it.
6. Looking forward to Saturdays.

Things had been crazy. Growing up has been a hell of a journey.

And guess what?

It's only the beginning.

Life is gonna be fun.

10 days

It's been 2 days since I found out I've again been lied to in the name of love and relationships. Only God knows the emotional rides I've been on ever since. It's a rare time to find a time like now where it doesn't affect much.

You'd think a girl would learn.

With the same mistake repeating itself, stuck in the same situation but in a shorter version, there's no one to blame but myself, that I let myself fall victim to yet another mental abuse. All the decisions made that led me here, to all these suicidal thoughts once again... Why on earth did I even plant the idea that sleeping forever sounds like a good plan.

For one, you don’t need to wake up and feel the pain and pretend that everything’s all fine in front of others.
Damn.

I give it 10 days to stand up – 10 days to not needing to constantly remind myself not to break down and cry, 10 days till I'll be able to look at him and still laugh and talk like all those times. Not gonna treat as if nothing ever happened, but gonna look at him and tell my heart "he doesn't dictate whether your day is good or bad."

We're gonna stay in each others lives forever anyway, so might as well make the best out of it.

I think back on the days where I couldn't eat or look into the mirror, and the only thing I wanted to do was to skip class and sleep. It's funny how I could finish off assignments back then and still score a perfect score. That was late 2011 till early 2013. I was young – at least younger than present me.

I no longer can skip work now, (well I did take leave yesterday), hence I'm happy that internship is finishing in another 6 working days. I've not been professional at all this week, pushing responsibilities and all, and I hate that I bring emotional pain to work. I can't control these emotional outbursts, neither can I on these sudden break downs.

I thought I had learned from the previous mistake, to realize I hadn't quite really. So if I get through this (and I know I will), let me really learn from this

(Even though so, I have no proof that he'd been lying. I'd like to think I'm wrong. I'd like to think it was all true, that he's been genuine all along until this day.)

I really do

An open house and a lunch outing to free her from the thoughts of a heartbreak. Little did I know that one small act pulled you two together.

I only wished that I was never involved in that drama. God, why did I try to even fix things when it wasn't mine to handle? I didn't even think I did it out of goodness and kindness. Anyhow, that made the bond between you two stronger.

I missed how I used to hang out with her. Classes and all such a naive young fool.
I missed how I used to hang out with him; closer after graduation and share about everything.

Then that happened. And I knew I was at fault. I left, which she only had him. What did I do wrong? Everything.

I can only wish my impression of her has been all wrong, so wrong, and that he's out of the past misery and seeking for a better future. I'm now out of their lives, but I wish the best for the both of them.

I really do.

Take that one step and cast out all fears

Fear; a simple four-lettered word that has way too many descriptions.

Defined and described differently with each passing individual, they seem to have one thing in common – a hinder from moving forward. The only thing that pulls us back, as irony as it is, is just ourselves.

Take a look at fear. You can’t touch it, see it, hear it (unless you’re hallucinating then please take that medicine you have in your drawer.) But we feel it. It becomes so strong; we come to think that fear is something very real and very tangible. It suddenly becomes touchable, seeable, hearable, and you're not hallucinating. Or maybe you still are.

I fear failure. I fear getting hurt. I fear making all the wrong decisions. And I definitely fear what the future brings. I fear a lot of things, where uncertainty tops the list. I fear but I’m just as human as every person out there.

Fear isn’t real, but isn’t fear a challenge? Doesn't fear let you know you're on to something important? You fear, but you still move forward. Not too fast, but slowly and surely steadily.

People blame fear, but fear will always be a part of us. So don’t block it out. Maybe perhaps just welcome it as an old friend and get to know fear. Peace and harmony has always been better than blood and war.

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real but fear is a choice.” ― Will Smith 

Turn this fragile heart around

Just finished watching Cloudy with a Chance of Meatball 2; I love it. Just imagine you're going through some tough times in life, and suddenly right in front of you, a movie conveys a message.

"Take some time off and look around. Appreciate the little things. People make mistakes. People are distracted by the foolishness and voices in their heads. You think you're not good enough until you prove something. But nope. You're good enough the way you are. And even if you do stupid things along they way, you get to turn things around. And friends; don't forget friends."

Do also talk about Cody Simpson's La Dee Dum to end the movie. Catchy. I love it. And it also brings up hopes in life. You know that little faith you always had along with you? That.

I've been running away from problems, and that's not new. It's just so much easier to not think of things as they go, and suddenly instead of you controlling stress, stress controls you.

I'm like a piece of floating stick that's only going in the direction of the current. Maybe I should start swimming and turn this all around; to do the things I wanna do; to do the things I need to do; to start remembering other people's presence, and, to do the things that really need to be done.

But first, I need some good time management and to stop being so lazy on my off days.

Internship? Can la. Just wait till you see a full-time job. Okay.

Imaginative: Kawynski level

Beneath the dog house of the Kawynski family lays a secret lair underground that no human knows of, and only Kaka knows that her dogs can talk; until baby Kris Kris learns to walk, accidentally discovers the entrance and finds herself in front of the leader of all dogs – a pug.

Life will never be normal for Kris as Kaka guides her into becoming the only human beings at saving the world against evil cats, side by side with the world's most trained dogs at … (wait, we never came up with the name for the secret dog place!)

Yup, even as a 5-year old, my sis had the most creative imagination. We played through the whole scene of everything after Mr and Mrs Kawynski introduced one dog to the family –Dalmatian Pongo. Little did they know along comes female Dalmatian Perdita, brown Labrador Max, white Labrador Lightning, black Labrador Buster and a pretty Whitey who looks more arctic wolf than dog. Thinking it was incidental? The adults would need to put on their thinking caps to find the resemblance.

The human characters aren't even half mentioned, with an oldest sister Kate in college (or Cake as the girls call her as she turns out to be a good baker), an arrogant-but-funny-and-charming Ken who has a soft spot for his 2 little sisters, and the bratty Kitty who hates the nickname Kiki the girls came up with. There’s also cousins See See and Saw Saw, Lily and (forgot what's Lily’s younger sister's name), and Jay Jay and Kay Kay.

As kids, we sure make lots of twisting plots here and there. Not too sure? Spoilers below.

Max and Lightning have special powers.
Buster was once untameable until he met Kaka.
All three of Lily’s cats are under-covers for the dogs.
Kiki stumbles across the lair and threatens to tell the world.
Then we have a new generation of puppies starting with Dalmatian Roger.

Oh, it's always a happy ending of course; I'm just amazed with the imagination of kids, acting out the storyline and coming out with so many characters and all. You can never underestimate them. And speaking of which, have to admit my sis has been the best actor and director.

Just write

The more I read, the more I realize I'm doing this whole blogging thing wrong. Kudos to that shy personality for not making this page too widely-known.

First rule of writing – it has to be interesting.
Seriously, it seems so easy and yet, what does 'interesting' mean? How do you know you're attracting attention and not boring readers away? Well, for people like me, you don't.
But you continue writing just to entertain yourself, placing thoughts into words just as initially planned from the start.
...
I must be doing something wrong here.
Maybe I'll just start each post with "Dear Diary" from this day on. It sounds more relevant.

As I realize, I'm more into finding myself, as much as how I hope to gain a further insight of other people's life and what they think about that fire drill across the street.
Never too late to realize I'm more interested in people than the fact there's some rare diamond in some museum or gallery out there.
Maybe I should have gone into Psychology than Journalism you say? Nope. Things wouldn't have been this way if I had done that.
Weird paths we have in life? Yes.

The more I write, the more I realize I'm more of a plain narrator; no persuading, no beautiful fancy adjectives, no making you think how transparently blue/green is that ocean.
I don't know how to grab attention, just as much as I don't know how to slam the phone down at that conman from 03-20750000 who spelled my name twice, reminding me how to spell my full name.

In my defense, I was making her talk non-stop for 12 minutes so she'd lose her voice and reject her at one shot when she goes asking for personal details.
And I know how to spell my full name, thank you very much.

But all in all, I don't dream to write for a big audience, or any readers who wants to find some interesting posts online. I ju – wait.

Dear Diary,
I just write!

“Robbing”

I couldn't help but to mutter “robbed” under my breath. The two just link instantly. One wouldn't bring out the meaning without the other anyway.

Neither was intentionally planned out, of course. And I don’t suppose acknowledgment. I can’t even make out of this frustration burning within. But friends don’t just cut off friends coldly just like that, and I’m left questioning these set of values.

Saying I’m indifferent to it is no more than just a lie. I’m of the opposite gender, and a very sensitive one too that goes all the distance wondering what a European thinks about that vase in Timbuktu. That’s just me, together with so many fears and worries; much to my own disappointment. But hey, we aren't perfect.

I shouldn't anyway, but the fact is I am. I’m just waiting for it to wear off. How I long for that day to laugh at this day. In the meantime, all’s a walking journey. Not a bad one, though. All's a learning progress.

Walk with me. I need You.