I've done lots of stupid things in the past; most of them being utterly wrong where I still went on and continued on the journey where evil greeted me with a grin.
How wrong could I have ever been in the past? But how can I ever blame what's happened when the decision was mine to make? And can I not say I'm thankful right now for that whatever had ever happened, had place me where I am today?
The past. The past had hurt a lot. The past had changed my mindset. But the past had also lifted me up, making me a stronger person with dreams and goals. The past had brought me here, standing on the ground I stand today, doing things I'd only dreamt of doing, talking to the people I never thought I'd ever meet.
Talk about taking photographs for an event; never did I think I'd ever help out nor be attending this church event.
But one thing's for sure, I could have never gotten where I am today alone.
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
One decision changes all
If I hadn't sleep in this morning,
If I hadn't take 20 minutes choosing what to wear,
If I didn't go 3 huge rounds finding parking,
If I die die also didn't wanna park at hilltop,
If I didn't stop to take a stone out from my shoe,
He wouldn't have passed by and walked in front of me.
I wouldn't have seen him.
We wouldn't have make small talk.
Funny how life puts things in place when you're meant to face the past.
So, how are you?
If I hadn't take 20 minutes choosing what to wear,
If I didn't go 3 huge rounds finding parking,
If I die die also didn't wanna park at hilltop,
If I didn't stop to take a stone out from my shoe,
He wouldn't have passed by and walked in front of me.
I wouldn't have seen him.
We wouldn't have make small talk.
Funny how life puts things in place when you're meant to face the past.
So, how are you?
Friday, May 3, 2013
Don't lose yourself just because you found somebody
I wish I came across this last year, then I wouldn't have to go through whatever 2012 presented.
Although I'm actually glad I went through it, it didn't have to take so long for me to realize, right?
Then again, I'm glad I realized it in 18 months. It could have dragged on longer but, well, it didn't.
Whatever reason I had on hanging on turned out to hit me hard and smacked me in the face with a "You were wrong thinking that way!"
I thought I would only do things if the person turned out as someone special, as in boyfriend kind.
A boyfriend is different.
I'd only stay up late for him.
I'd only sacrifice time for him.
I'd only cross the continent for him.
I'd only fork out whatever there is in my wallet for him.
I'd only squeeze his hands in too-much-excitement movies.
Oh, wow. Okay. I sounded pathetic. I had to resize the font.
But honestly, back then I really thought a boyfriend'd be the only who would treat me special.
Well, smack me once more for I was wrong.
Keyword: Was
Turns out I'd actually do the same for everyone I love.
Yet, only one thing's different this time.
They'd do the same back for me. ♥
So, turns out crush has a crush on someone else. Turns out I've been overreacting when we're in the same room. Turns out I kinda blaaaaaaa when he's around, trying to get his attention and all. Soooooooooo what else is new? I guess I'm just not ready for a love relationship, not until I get myself right. Goals, dreams, hopes. Relationship can wait. I'm still young; young and free.
Do what is right and not what you want
How much truer can this be?
Looking at my results for last sem, it kills me a little more every time.
WHAT IS THIS!
One goal by August, and I know I'll be able to make it through with hard work and determination, and maybe to study a bit more when there's free time between classes?
Hopes and hopes and hopes, because a CGPA of 3.749 will mean nothing anymore.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Gone but will never be forgotten
It's been 98 days since Ah Gong's left us.
It's been 98 days where I truly believe that life is more than just a guy and settle down.
It's Ah Gong's passing that made me realize there's just so, so much more than just hiding away from the world.
I would believe that Ah Gong has taken most of the bad things away, leaving all the good stuff with us.
Sure we have our downs, but there had actually been more good news than bad ones the past 3 months.
Cousin Joey's gotten engaged (I think).
Cousin Kelvin's crush actually has a crush back on him!
Cousin Jojo has now become more independent, especially in terms of finding lunch after every school day (as the youngest grandchild, Ah Gong loves her the most, hence the do-everything-for-her including washing her school shoes and preparing breakfasts and lunches).
And sister Anni has finally gotten rid of that lalala boyfriend of hers. Oh, the joy!
Oh, and Dad's business is growing. Not to mention Mum is getting stronger every day.
And me? Ah Gong's given me back the confidence I've been lacking. So far, things hasn't been too bad. Ups and downs are surely around but at least today I know where I'm standing. I'm still on the way to achieving goals and dreams and on the way in deciding a greater path in life, but I know who I am and what I want.
In the end, whatever comes our way, Ah Gong will always be watching over us.
And if we aren't true and honest to ourselves, Ah Gong's gonna find us and scold us through our dreams.
< Picture taken in 2009 on Ah Gong's birthday!
He used to always say that we're never sincere in remembering his birthday, always telling us "YESTERDAY was my birthday and nobody remembered!", when the fact was he was the one that kept changing the date of his birthday every year LOL
(Oh, his IC does no help because the DOB of his birth cert is unidentified, hence the IC's date is, yeah, of no help.)
And his 3 daughters? Nah, I think his 6 grandchildren remember more things than the 3 aunties :p
It's been 98 days where I truly believe that life is more than just a guy and settle down.
It's Ah Gong's passing that made me realize there's just so, so much more than just hiding away from the world.
I would believe that Ah Gong has taken most of the bad things away, leaving all the good stuff with us.
Sure we have our downs, but there had actually been more good news than bad ones the past 3 months.
Cousin Joey's gotten engaged (I think).
Cousin Kelvin's crush actually has a crush back on him!
Cousin Jojo has now become more independent, especially in terms of finding lunch after every school day (as the youngest grandchild, Ah Gong loves her the most, hence the do-everything-for-her including washing her school shoes and preparing breakfasts and lunches).
And sister Anni has finally gotten rid of that lalala boyfriend of hers. Oh, the joy!
Oh, and Dad's business is growing. Not to mention Mum is getting stronger every day.
And me? Ah Gong's given me back the confidence I've been lacking. So far, things hasn't been too bad. Ups and downs are surely around but at least today I know where I'm standing. I'm still on the way to achieving goals and dreams and on the way in deciding a greater path in life, but I know who I am and what I want.
And if we aren't true and honest to ourselves, Ah Gong's gonna find us and scold us through our dreams.
< Picture taken in 2009 on Ah Gong's birthday!
He used to always say that we're never sincere in remembering his birthday, always telling us "YESTERDAY was my birthday and nobody remembered!", when the fact was he was the one that kept changing the date of his birthday every year LOL
(Oh, his IC does no help because the DOB of his birth cert is unidentified, hence the IC's date is, yeah, of no help.)
And his 3 daughters? Nah, I think his 6 grandchildren remember more things than the 3 aunties :p
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Sem break - Day 13
Next semester (May-August 2013) will be my last semester in UCSI. The rest would be internship and another internship, then convocation in 2014, Then it'll be "Goodbye forever, UCSI."
Honestly, I never liked life there.
-Maybe it was because 'One of my first friends made in UCSI ended as my boyfriend, which meant all my time was spent with him and I never went to explore any further'.
-Maybe it was the bad break-up hence everything, every corner in UCSI has a stain in good/bad memories.
-Or simply maybe UCSI is just concerned in its students paying on time every semester without giving the best of lecturers, teaching methods, facilities and so forth.
The food had also gone from bad to worse since the first day I entered in 2010.
And the price? Everything's increased, from the failed electricity, to the food-gone-bad, to the we-had-already-paid-for-the-printing-machine-but-we-still-need-to-pay-more-starting-January-2013-semester.
And the notes and UCSI's webpage and stuff? Let's not even get started on how okay-standard turned to worse than lousy.
Anyway, I guess that's one of the contributing reason why this sem break, my last sem break, has been so far the best. Because this sem break, I've been more on the happy-and-proud-to-be-single.
The last 3 years of sem break had been more of a mourning-for-ex time.
But I'm proud to say I've gotten out of it, and better plans await.
UCSI days are gonna be behind me.
Left but not forgotten. Forgiven but never to be forgotten.
Either way, sem breaks had never been more fun, interesting, fabulous, productive and healthy. I'm much happier, now that final semester's coming. I guess college life and I never did work out, and if there was a next life, I'd live life to the fullest without giving everything into love relationships. I'd remind myself, if I could, that if a relationship comes, it'd come.
The bunch of new friends from care-cell had been very much the contributors of the greatest sem break ever.
These happening, forever-most fabulous and awesome people, I tell you ahh, it's like they never run out of ideas, money and energy on the best activities.
Even when I'd only known them for 6 months, they're people who are genuine.
I guess along the journey, we'd really learn who our true friends are.
*shrugs*
I guess it's also true that when you're finally looking at life in the positive light, and giving yourself another chance, that life really does give you another go.
Sure I've been slacking and relaxing a lot the past 3 days at home, but I've also been out a lot.
Dinner, skating, badminton, birthday celebration, advice on a new life new chance new opportunity.
Supper, squash, movie, pasar malam, another birthday celebration, more of a new life new chance new opportunities.
I guess it hasn't been too bad so far.
Still, there's much to learn.
4 more subjects to go next sem.
Oh, and was it ever mentioned that there's this huge crush/admirer in town? :p
I think this could go beyond other ordinary crushes. And let's just hope I have the courage to do anything about it. Till then.
And he's online!
*squeals* jumps in joy* crazily laughing for no apparent reason* oh gosh
Honestly, I never liked life there.
-Maybe it was because 'One of my first friends made in UCSI ended as my boyfriend, which meant all my time was spent with him and I never went to explore any further'.
-Maybe it was the bad break-up hence everything, every corner in UCSI has a stain in good/bad memories.
-Or simply maybe UCSI is just concerned in its students paying on time every semester without giving the best of lecturers, teaching methods, facilities and so forth.
The food had also gone from bad to worse since the first day I entered in 2010.
And the price? Everything's increased, from the failed electricity, to the food-gone-bad, to the we-had-already-paid-for-the-printing-machine-but-we-still-need-to-pay-more-starting-January-2013-semester.
And the notes and UCSI's webpage and stuff? Let's not even get started on how okay-standard turned to worse than lousy.
Anyway, I guess that's one of the contributing reason why this sem break, my last sem break, has been so far the best. Because this sem break, I've been more on the happy-and-proud-to-be-single.
The last 3 years of sem break had been more of a mourning-for-ex time.
But I'm proud to say I've gotten out of it, and better plans await.
UCSI days are gonna be behind me.
Left but not forgotten. Forgiven but never to be forgotten.
Either way, sem breaks had never been more fun, interesting, fabulous, productive and healthy. I'm much happier, now that final semester's coming. I guess college life and I never did work out, and if there was a next life, I'd live life to the fullest without giving everything into love relationships. I'd remind myself, if I could, that if a relationship comes, it'd come.
The bunch of new friends from care-cell had been very much the contributors of the greatest sem break ever.
These happening, forever-most fabulous and awesome people, I tell you ahh, it's like they never run out of ideas, money and energy on the best activities.
Even when I'd only known them for 6 months, they're people who are genuine.
I guess along the journey, we'd really learn who our true friends are.
*shrugs*
I guess it's also true that when you're finally looking at life in the positive light, and giving yourself another chance, that life really does give you another go.
Sure I've been slacking and relaxing a lot the past 3 days at home, but I've also been out a lot.
Dinner, skating, badminton, birthday celebration, advice on a new life new chance new opportunity.
Supper, squash, movie, pasar malam, another birthday celebration, more of a new life new chance new opportunities.
I guess it hasn't been too bad so far.
Still, there's much to learn.
4 more subjects to go next sem.
Oh, and was it ever mentioned that there's this huge crush/admirer in town? :p
I think this could go beyond other ordinary crushes. And let's just hope I have the courage to do anything about it. Till then.
And he's online!
*squeals* jumps in joy* crazily laughing for no apparent reason* oh gosh
Thursday, April 11, 2013
♥ Spread the love, people!
No more of all the what had used to be, now that every day's a new time to shine.
With these loved ones around to shower me with love and support all the time, I guess whatever emptiness has left, leaving all random happiness around.
My mum. I love my mum ♥
Though again, life isn't always that great. Then again, what's life without a little roller coaster ride?
A little bit of good and bad and epic and random and spontaneous and impromptu-ness, life has never been more perfect.
In the past 2 years, things had been rough and tough and hard and difficult.
But not going any further than that, I'm glad that I've come across a group of people who accepts me for me.
Not only do they give full support for everyone and everything, they even whack, smack, shoot, hug, spam, call, find you until you get back on the right track.
They don't judge or poke your back or spread rumors around.
They make all things good by believing, believing and believing.
They listen and help you to achieve the best in life.
They give without asking for anything in return.
And best of all, they include you like no one has ever before.
You don't have to be perfect for them to fall in love with you.
As long as you're there and ready to mingle, they're all there with open arms.
You can be at your worst, or at your most jerk-iest side, but being who they are in believing everyone is equal, they don't judge.
Because everyone has a story, and nobody is perfect, and nobody can ever stand on their own being all strong and stuff.
So I'm really thankful for these people who has draggggggged me out of misery, despite all the times I withdrawn myself countless of times.
Yup, these are the people who would spam and spam and spam you until you get so annoyed that you have to reply them one way or another xD
I don't know la.
After knowing them, things have never been brighter.
Things automatically went on all-downright positive mode.
Especially on family side.
Yea sure sometimes you wanna strangle and murder these loved ones, but love conquers all, and you suddenly have the strength to carry on and all.
If we can all see love visually, you'd be seeing me giving it out to all those people around me.
I love them, like really really a lot.
My family's one, but this bunch also acts as family.
And with love, there's more than just love.
It's love, support, inspiration, motivation, living your dreams, and making dreams come true.
Love la, in short xD
So, who's ready for a new challenge in life?
Not me. I'm on sem break mode for now x)
♥
With these loved ones around to shower me with love and support all the time, I guess whatever emptiness has left, leaving all random happiness around.
My mum. I love my mum ♥
Though again, life isn't always that great. Then again, what's life without a little roller coaster ride?
A little bit of good and bad and epic and random and spontaneous and impromptu-ness, life has never been more perfect.
In the past 2 years, things had been rough and tough and hard and difficult.
But not going any further than that, I'm glad that I've come across a group of people who accepts me for me.
Not only do they give full support for everyone and everything, they even whack, smack, shoot, hug, spam, call, find you until you get back on the right track.
They don't judge or poke your back or spread rumors around.
They make all things good by believing, believing and believing.
They listen and help you to achieve the best in life.
They give without asking for anything in return.
And best of all, they include you like no one has ever before.
You don't have to be perfect for them to fall in love with you.
As long as you're there and ready to mingle, they're all there with open arms.
You can be at your worst, or at your most jerk-iest side, but being who they are in believing everyone is equal, they don't judge.
Because everyone has a story, and nobody is perfect, and nobody can ever stand on their own being all strong and stuff.
So I'm really thankful for these people who has draggggggged me out of misery, despite all the times I withdrawn myself countless of times.
Yup, these are the people who would spam and spam and spam you until you get so annoyed that you have to reply them one way or another xD
I don't know la.
After knowing them, things have never been brighter.
Things automatically went on all-downright positive mode.
Especially on family side.
Yea sure sometimes you wanna strangle and murder these loved ones, but love conquers all, and you suddenly have the strength to carry on and all.
If we can all see love visually, you'd be seeing me giving it out to all those people around me.
I love them, like really really a lot.
My family's one, but this bunch also acts as family.
And with love, there's more than just love.
It's love, support, inspiration, motivation, living your dreams, and making dreams come true.
Love la, in short xD
So, who's ready for a new challenge in life?
Not me. I'm on sem break mode for now x)
♥
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