Sem break motto!

Okay, maybe not too brave a thing.

Though it was fun to walk into Forever 21 after they announced "shop is closing in 10 minutes", and grab some absolute bargains, try them on and then walk to the counter and see the I-wanna-go-home face on the cashiers the other day (I wasn't the only or the last customer!), which the same night itself, a crazy thought had us head towards the SmartTag lane and hoped the Touch n Go machine works after seeing super long queues at the toll (it didn't work and we had to reverse, with a car behind us honking like mad).

Also explains people asking "you sure you're not pushing too far?" after a jog and badminton on Tuesday, continued by badminton, squash, gym, more squash, more gym on Wednesday.

Nope. I'm kinda having fun, with half of the time complaining I'm dead bored at home, but yeah, I'm having fun (and always looking forward the weekends when I get to see all those crazy people!)

2 months of sem break down. 2 more months to go. Yay!

Our turn

I don't know anything about mental illness in its most psychological or medical term.
But what I do know is that people can be given second chances to heal from any form of mistake from the past, as long as they repent in it.
Everyone deserves the best in life.
What happens next is how you grab hold onto your life.


All your life you've been waiting. Learning. Getting ready for that one day when the ball would be passed to your court, and it'd be up to you to make the game-changing difference. All your life you've told yourself, "soon". Not today, "soon". Not tomorrow, "soon".

To-morrow, to-morrow, and to-morrow. Life is far too short to be spent waiting. For that one event. For that one chance. The rest of your life begins today. It begins now. Now is the moment you've been preparing for. It's time to step out into the arena. Time to show them what you've got.

The world is watching. Ready or not – it's our turn now.

"You just want it just because you can't have it."

For the past three years, there were always obligations that stopped me from applying for a part-time job with BBW. Every year, I look up the calender, hoping their time will be adjustable to my schedule. This year was no different, and the good news this year, it's during sem break and I had no compulsory obligations. I was free for those 18 days. Or was I?

"Is working at BBW worth giving up 18 days of freedom? Earning thousands in 18 days, is that what you really want? Okay. So pretend that you've gotten the job and are working day one on this 9am-9pm job, what happens next? What happens tomorrow on what you think you want?"

I would ask myself, what am I doing here?

I wanted to work there so bad, I forgot why I wanted what I wanted.

The same happened to wanting to go for the Work and Travel USA programme for the past year.
What about wanting a boyfriend all those years, and so desperately wanted to get back together with the ex last year?

Turns out working at BBW isn't something I really want.
I just wanted to work there because I never had the opportunity to when I really wanted to be there three years ago.

So who wants to raid MIECC this year with me and maintain this customer status we so proudly own?
Books range as low as RM8 :p

Shake planets

So he walked into the room and took my breathe away. So not cool.

Anyway, the past few weeks had it's ups and downs (again) but they all turned out okay in the end. As time passes with these challenges to the mindset and physical surroundings, I learn a little more things about myself, as well as the people around me. So who says bad things are just bad?

Cameron trip on 16th-18th this month with 97 leaders turned out to be the greatest turning point. Lots to improve, lots to learn though. And the shaking planet title? I'll be attending my very first concert tomorrow. Can't wait!

The greatest gift you can give to someone is your time

It was Victor's 22nd birthday on Monday where he cleared out the entire day (even skipped class!) so that his friends could bring him out. Asked him what he wanted on his special day, he answered "Nothing much. Hoping my friends to be creative." The fella super laidback only. Then with Jo's enthusiasm in having sleepovers, that was what we exactly did at my place. And at 11pm on Sunday night, that began the start of one of the best 24 hours spent together.

When the clock struck 12, a huge chocolate cake presented itself and the candles were blown. It was only until 3am where we hogged and slept like logs in the living room. I guess it was a funny scene for my dad to come home hours later to find Jo and Sam sleeping in the downstairs guest room, Victor and KJ sleeping on the floor, and Laureen and myself taking up the two couches.

We spent Monday playing Chapter 3 of Mice and Mystics and a game of Monopoly before heading off to TGIF in Midvally for a long dinner. Though it didn't seem much to do, time flew by. It was a fun experience especially being able to spend time together talking, laughing, staying up late, talking some more, laughing some more and waking people up with pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows. God only knows how strong the bond was strengthened.

Victor had a great time in the end (by seeing how he spammed Facebook, Twitter and text messages) and it was a really satisfying feeling felt that he felt happy and valued and loved on this special day. It was an "awwww", all warm and fuzzy moment to know he appreciated everything that was done to place him in spotlight.

Though I've only personally known him less than a year, cheers to more birthdays to come and for this friendship's existence. Looking forward to more years to come, and quoting Victor, stoked to see what's gonna happen to the Saujana gang in the future.

I'm a hopeless romantic

I don't wish for future him to be tall dark handsome, nor do I want him to stay a crazy workaholic. Nope. I would just want quality time where we would laugh over things together.
I don't wish for him being the smartest, strongest, funniest person alive, as he would fulfill all when he meets my three criteria. These criteria; they seem so easy to meet but are actually so hard to find.

I like the idea of falling in love. I like the idea of love itself. I like the idea of flowers and chocolate and handwritten letters and candle-light dinner. They don't need to be expensive; they just have to be genuine. And of course, there's always the part to meeting the three standards set.

I don't wish for future him to be perfect in every single way from the way he walks, talks, dresses, eats and socializes. In the end of the day, I just wish for him of two things, where one consists that he'll accept about that one past mistake and not mind one bit.
I wish for that.

Sometimes things don't work out for better plans to take place

I can't do this anymore.

I talk about it a lot. Not because I'm not over it, but because it has became a turning point for me for another chance at life. Gaining a lot from it, not only did it open up my eyes, it showed me this wasn't uncommon. One way or another, everyone goes through similar situations. There are many things that we don't dare face, accept, conquer, fight. Kinda in a way we just stare, hoping they'll go away in time. But problems don't just go away. You do something, and everything starts with the mind. If the mind can't think straight, what gives the ability to anyone to...expand?

I don't understand.

I had never been the one to appreciate the things I had. In fact, I was the kind that focused a lot on what I didn't have. I had never seen how rich I already was with quite a satisfying fulfillment of the basic psychological human needs. I had shelter, food, good health, friendship, family but I was never satisfied. I shot myself with questions like "Why no" instead of "Why yes". Adding salt to the wound, I didn't really know how to appreciate anything until they were gone. I was constantly focusing on my flaws and making unhealthy comparisons that I didn't believe that born to do something great.

I don't see us in the future.

I was pampered growing up. I have such protective parents they made sure I was always safe and had the best of everything. I was safe behind walls that I never saw any of the ugly side of the world. I knew about human trafficking, suicides and drug cases, teenage pregnancy; but I never acknowledged them, thinking if I didn't think of them, they wouldn't be real. So wrong, so wrong. Then I got involved in self-abuse and self-hatred and suddenly everything felt so real. It was scary. Everything suddenly became so dark. Where were the fairy tales happily ever after and rainbows and sunlight and greens?

We can try to make it work.

I talk about it a lot. Not because I'm still living in the past and not wanting to move on, but because I have accepted it and I need a reminder -- a reminder to tell me not to take anything for granted. Things happen for a reason and how the mind thinks, it's just equally as important in trying to do something. Problems are being thrown at us every now and then, and that serves as a strong faith, trust and belief. If I could have gone through all that and had actually managed to get out of it, what are the challenges and tests slapped at me right now? Sap sap sui. And if I can move on and still can laugh about it, everyone else can.

It's not going to work. I hope for the best in your future.

"The future", it's a funny word. Every new day is a future. Tomorrow's the future; the next hour minute second is the future. Aaaaaand the future finally seems to be working out alright :)

Signing off at 12.52am. Good night.