It's been 2 days since I found out I've again been lied to in the name of love and relationships. Only God knows the emotional rides I've been on ever since. It's a rare time to find a time like now where it doesn't affect much.
You'd think a girl would learn.
With the same mistake repeating itself, stuck in the same situation but in a shorter version, there's no one to blame but myself, that I let myself fall victim to yet another mental abuse. All the decisions made that led me here, to all these suicidal thoughts once again... Why on earth did I even plant the idea that sleeping forever sounds like a good plan.
For one, you don’t need to wake up and feel the pain and pretend that everything’s all fine in front of others.
Damn.
I give it 10 days to stand up – 10 days to not needing to constantly remind myself not to break down and cry, 10 days till I'll be able to look at him and still laugh and talk like all those times. Not gonna treat as if nothing ever happened, but gonna look at him and tell my heart "he doesn't dictate whether your day is good or bad."
We're gonna stay in each others lives forever anyway, so might as well make the best out of it.
I think back on the days where I couldn't eat or look into the mirror, and the only thing I wanted to do was to skip class and sleep. It's funny how I could finish off assignments back then and still score a perfect score. That was late 2011 till early 2013. I was young – at least younger than present me.
I no longer can skip work now, (well I did take leave yesterday), hence I'm happy that internship is finishing in another 6 working days. I've not been professional at all this week, pushing responsibilities and all, and I hate that I bring emotional pain to work. I can't control these emotional outbursts, neither can I on these sudden break downs.
I thought I had learned from the previous mistake, to realize I hadn't quite really. So if I get through this (and I know I will), let me really learn from this
(Even though so, I have no proof that he'd been lying. I'd like to think I'm wrong. I'd like to think it was all true, that he's been genuine all along until this day.)
