I couldn't help but to mutter “robbed” under my breath. The two just link instantly. One wouldn't bring out the meaning without the other anyway.
Neither was intentionally planned out, of course. And I don’t suppose acknowledgment. I can’t even make out of this frustration burning within. But friends don’t just cut off friends coldly just like that, and I’m left questioning these set of values.
Saying I’m indifferent to it is no more than just a lie. I’m of the opposite gender, and a very sensitive one too that goes all the distance wondering what a European thinks about that vase in Timbuktu. That’s just me, together with so many fears and worries; much to my own disappointment. But hey, we aren't perfect.
I shouldn't anyway, but the fact is I am. I’m just waiting for it to wear off. How I long for that day to laugh at this day. In the meantime, all’s a walking journey. Not a bad one, though. All's a learning progress.
Walk with me. I need You.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Tickling time
Yes. Tickling.
I watch as the time on the desktop displays 4:30 PM, and done are all the short snippets, with a lot a lot a lot of editing to do by the editor later on. And here I was last Thursday worrying I couldn't meet the deadline. Now here I am thinking what am I going to do from 9-6pm tomorrow and the day after that?
Since my first day here, time had pretty much been spent on writing, writing and writing; most of the time I'm blanking out and trying to brain in what was actually being written on. Much to learn; more to learn. If I had used the past 85 minutes wisely, I could have gotten more sneak peak of their writing skills here. Then that dreadful lazy side kicks in, devilishly whispering you don’t need to write about this, yet. Thanks a lot. But on the bright side, I’m keener on reading now. I used to just look at words. Guilty.
Reading isn't just reading, and the last 85 minutes were spent going through unread posts from Jo Ng. Nah, it's not a waste of time at all. I just want to know what happens next in Train. Was trying to hold in laughing in the office. And then, it just stops at Chapter 3. What.
But anyway, really, a hands up to these amateur-turned-professional writers, and these senior writers in the office, just as much as to any writers out there, who has all spent so much time doing what they do. Putting words onto a blank sheet of paper isn't a piece of cake, though we actually did have moist chocolate cake today from Hilton alongside other CNY treats, because writing doesn't come easy.
I watch as the time on the desktop displays 4:30 PM, and done are all the short snippets, with a lot a lot a lot of editing to do by the editor later on. And here I was last Thursday worrying I couldn't meet the deadline. Now here I am thinking what am I going to do from 9-6pm tomorrow and the day after that?
Since my first day here, time had pretty much been spent on writing, writing and writing; most of the time I'm blanking out and trying to brain in what was actually being written on. Much to learn; more to learn. If I had used the past 85 minutes wisely, I could have gotten more sneak peak of their writing skills here. Then that dreadful lazy side kicks in, devilishly whispering you don’t need to write about this, yet. Thanks a lot. But on the bright side, I’m keener on reading now. I used to just look at words. Guilty.
Reading isn't just reading, and the last 85 minutes were spent going through unread posts from Jo Ng. Nah, it's not a waste of time at all. I just want to know what happens next in Train. Was trying to hold in laughing in the office. And then, it just stops at Chapter 3. What.
But anyway, really, a hands up to these amateur-turned-professional writers, and these senior writers in the office, just as much as to any writers out there, who has all spent so much time doing what they do. Putting words onto a blank sheet of paper isn't a piece of cake, though we actually did have moist chocolate cake today from Hilton alongside other CNY treats, because writing doesn't come easy.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
A walk down memory lane
A memory lane down the street I lived on for 10 years, nothing's changed, and yet everything's changed.
Delete chat?
The school bus that never seems to move is still parked there. The pedestrian bridge crossing to the opposite road's train station still stands solid and strong. The fence built by authorities for "safety purposes" is yet again partially teared down. Jalan 12 of Tasik Selatan hasn't changed much.
*Cancel*
While waiting for the ex-neighbour (who bought the house and currently lives there) to retrieve our letters, I look at the floor's tile patterns and the blue stairs I used to roam around on. Except for those, everything's changed. I don't recognize that couch.
Delete chat?
I see two people walking out from Shen Yang's house. Uni classmates, I suppose. At 8, I thought Shen Yang's name was Shan Yang (directly translated as "mountain goat" in Mandarin). Spending 6 months together in home tuition and living 3 houses away, I still don't know what his name is.
*Cancel*
I see the road leading to the nearby park, where Sesame had her first outdoor activity off the leash chasing birds. She thought she could fly before landing onto the ground half a second later. She was barely one, and now she's turning 4.
Delete chat?
The letters turned out a huge stack; probably hundreds of 'em, all kept since 2012. I hadn't been home for 2 years? I hadn't looked back for...2 years?
*Cancel*
"How I wished I still lived here," the sentimental side whispers. "But Tasik Selatan's not my home anymore."
Delete chat?
The past was really nice and comforting, but the future has been promising; and if life's not about moving on, then I don't know what life is about anymore.
*Yes*
Delete chat?
The school bus that never seems to move is still parked there. The pedestrian bridge crossing to the opposite road's train station still stands solid and strong. The fence built by authorities for "safety purposes" is yet again partially teared down. Jalan 12 of Tasik Selatan hasn't changed much.
*Cancel*
While waiting for the ex-neighbour (who bought the house and currently lives there) to retrieve our letters, I look at the floor's tile patterns and the blue stairs I used to roam around on. Except for those, everything's changed. I don't recognize that couch.
Delete chat?
I see two people walking out from Shen Yang's house. Uni classmates, I suppose. At 8, I thought Shen Yang's name was Shan Yang (directly translated as "mountain goat" in Mandarin). Spending 6 months together in home tuition and living 3 houses away, I still don't know what his name is.
*Cancel*
I see the road leading to the nearby park, where Sesame had her first outdoor activity off the leash chasing birds. She thought she could fly before landing onto the ground half a second later. She was barely one, and now she's turning 4.
Delete chat?
The letters turned out a huge stack; probably hundreds of 'em, all kept since 2012. I hadn't been home for 2 years? I hadn't looked back for...2 years?
*Cancel*
"How I wished I still lived here," the sentimental side whispers. "But Tasik Selatan's not my home anymore."
Delete chat?
The past was really nice and comforting, but the future has been promising; and if life's not about moving on, then I don't know what life is about anymore.
*Yes*
Friday, January 24, 2014
7th day as an intern
I don't think I'm suppose to write much on my work?
I don't know.
Is there like some unsaid policy?
I think there is.
Is there?
I don't know.
But work has been something like this.
Read, do research, write, repeat step 1.
Reading up on past magazines to get the writing style was a thing for days, that it has now become a sense of comfort. I now open up the pages / related topics I'm currently on and just stare at the words. Nothing goes into the brain but "omgosh they can write so much!" But there's also some sort of connected power there, and suddenly I obtain a strong will to forcing out words onto a blank page. They don't go up to 200 words though, and the editor edits a lot of my work, like seriously a lot. But yeah, always room for improvement. Always.
Gained lots of knowledge though, I have, through all these research, and crazy luxury lifestyle people have out there. Crazy. Rich. Successful. Luxurious.
And here I am, being all shy and timid. Man, I'm never gonna make it into this industry like this. Not that I will be in this industry my whole life, but man, I'm never gonna make it into any industry like this.
I don't know.
Is there like some unsaid policy?
I think there is.
Is there?
I don't know.
But work has been something like this.
Read, do research, write, repeat step 1.
Reading up on past magazines to get the writing style was a thing for days, that it has now become a sense of comfort. I now open up the pages / related topics I'm currently on and just stare at the words. Nothing goes into the brain but "omgosh they can write so much!" But there's also some sort of connected power there, and suddenly I obtain a strong will to forcing out words onto a blank page. They don't go up to 200 words though, and the editor edits a lot of my work, like seriously a lot. But yeah, always room for improvement. Always.
Gained lots of knowledge though, I have, through all these research, and crazy luxury lifestyle people have out there. Crazy. Rich. Successful. Luxurious.
And here I am, being all shy and timid. Man, I'm never gonna make it into this industry like this. Not that I will be in this industry my whole life, but man, I'm never gonna make it into any industry like this.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Cannot brain now. Mind the topic. What topic?
The brain has never before been screaming "sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep" so consistently for quite some time, especially after those 4 months of holiday that only had fun, fun and more and fun running around, waking up at the dawn of noon and sorts like that.
Actually, the brain had squealed about sleep only that once in June 2013, where I was juggling with 3 assignments, squash, Mice and Mystics, and folding over 1000 stars for cell multiplication. That week was the worst, and I still wonder why I even put myself into such situation in the first place when there weren't any deadlines to entertainments.
Then there's now. There's just so much to do with so little energy.
I've started my internship on Monday, a 9am-6pm magazine job at Midvalley. Now imagine the jam, which practically leaves me stepping out the house at 7.15am and only returning to home sweet home 12 hours later. Then there's dinner, and to wash up, and to write on that intern report, and a little time for TAWG, some movies and social network, and that only leaves me just enough time to get just enough rest. Work hadn't been a breeze either, with tons of reading and referencing and writing to do for 9 hours.
That's a huge change compared to the holiday, where I only eat, sleep, play and repeat the whole process, and how much I've gotten used to that lazy lifestyle.
Just the past 4 days itself had been crazy, compiling work and pleasure together.
Wednesday had me go alongside a colleague to an event after work. I only reached home at 11pm that night, followed with a photo shoot that starts at 9am in Bangsar the next day.
Thursday's photo session went on for hours, and even though I was given the luxury to go home at 3pm, the jam had me reach home at 5.30pm, where the next few hours had me working on my report until my brain could brain anymore. (The changed the whole format for the report!)
Friday was crazier, with a movie marathon that lasted from 2pm to 11.30pm at Sueen's, watching the extended version of The Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers, with 2 hours of dinner break in between. We almost stayed overnight to finish The Return of the King but decided to leave the last 4 hours for another day.
Of course the lack of sleep wasn't and isn't helping, and up I was at 1pm today, finishing off the last episode of HK drama Return of the Silver Tongue and completing the last touch of whatever there can be written for that intern report.
Tomorrow's gonna be another day with some family plans and Chan's birthday dinner before returning to work on Monday and repeat that 12 hours thing outside. This adult life, I'm really gonna need to get used to if I want to juggle everything together. And did I mention the need to spend some time with the dogs? Nooooooooooooo.
But all in all, this busy schedule has been a good thing. Though complaining, I love how I am placed exactly where I am, where sleep has become top on my what-I-want-to-do list. I don't have time to think of the emptiness that haunts inside, or how the crush is doing and I-wanna-see-him-ahhhhhhh kind of thinking, not that I do so desperately. I don't. But it does prevent any of those thoughts :p
Still, God is good, for He has opened and is still opening my eyes to some stuff, which that I'll leave it to another day. And yes, it's worth mentioning about. But now, this post has taken up so much time, I think I'm gonna crash anytime.......
Sunday, January 12, 2014
He is good
I think my left arm's gonna leave a scar, but okay.
Even Stephen laughed at what we did, which was practically everyone's reaction, ourselves included: concerned, but think it's a funny, stupid thing thing to learn from.
I'm on lights tomorrow. First time touching the lightning mixer (I just came up with a name for the light controller thing; I don't know what it's called) ever! And all on my own! For the main service!
One, Sun trusts me.
Two, not enough man power.
Three, He is good :)
Even Stephen laughed at what we did, which was practically everyone's reaction, ourselves included: concerned, but think it's a funny, stupid thing thing to learn from.
I'm on lights tomorrow. First time touching the lightning mixer (I just came up with a name for the light controller thing; I don't know what it's called) ever! And all on my own! For the main service!
One, Sun trusts me.
Two, not enough man power.
Three, He is good :)
Thursday, January 9, 2014
How was your first week of 2014?
Trembling and terrified, I looked around. It was dark. My friend ran up to me, checking whether I was alright before calming me down. We were bleeding, and we needed to get out of the drain.
You reap what you sow, and when you walk out the door, you'll never know whether you're walking into danger. They're not called accidents for nothing, but they could have been avoided.
3 days later, I told them I lied.
4 days later, I took a week off on my first day of internship.
5 days later, I was home all day on my birthday.
On the second day of the new year, I fell really badly into a drain that was at least 3 meters deep. What led to that were some irresponsible actions, which had me lie to my friends because I was ashamed of what happened. As Frozen sings it, people make bad choices when they're mad or scared or stressed. I was scared and stressed, and afraid and hurt.
It was the craziest, stupidest thing to do. I'm not proud that it happened, but I'm glad I had the chance to experience what was learnt throughout the whole accident. I'll never do that again. It could have been fatal, and my friend and I could have been paralyzed. But no. God so love us that He sent his only son to die on the cross for us. He was protecting over us even as we made the silliest mistake.
(Funny that this accident opened up doors for a chance at reconciliation with 2 of my friends. When they say everything happens for a reason, everything happens for a reason.)
Thank you, Lord, for looking over us even as we do stupid things in life. I'm sorry that we had let you down and had let curiosity and so-called fun take the best of us. I cannot be more than thankful that we are now home safe and sound. So much can happen in just mere minutes. It has really been a journey.
2014 started off with a hit in the head. This year is going to be a good one.
You reap what you sow, and when you walk out the door, you'll never know whether you're walking into danger. They're not called accidents for nothing, but they could have been avoided.
3 days later, I told them I lied.
4 days later, I took a week off on my first day of internship.
5 days later, I was home all day on my birthday.
On the second day of the new year, I fell really badly into a drain that was at least 3 meters deep. What led to that were some irresponsible actions, which had me lie to my friends because I was ashamed of what happened. As Frozen sings it, people make bad choices when they're mad or scared or stressed. I was scared and stressed, and afraid and hurt.
It was the craziest, stupidest thing to do. I'm not proud that it happened, but I'm glad I had the chance to experience what was learnt throughout the whole accident. I'll never do that again. It could have been fatal, and my friend and I could have been paralyzed. But no. God so love us that He sent his only son to die on the cross for us. He was protecting over us even as we made the silliest mistake.
(Funny that this accident opened up doors for a chance at reconciliation with 2 of my friends. When they say everything happens for a reason, everything happens for a reason.)
Thank you, Lord, for looking over us even as we do stupid things in life. I'm sorry that we had let you down and had let curiosity and so-called fun take the best of us. I cannot be more than thankful that we are now home safe and sound. So much can happen in just mere minutes. It has really been a journey.
2014 started off with a hit in the head. This year is going to be a good one.
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