When the person who told me this forgets that he was the one who said it and went all "deep words".
LOL. Mehh.
Life is a challenge, huh?
We smile to the people we see and greet.
We tell people everything's fine when they ask "How are you?"
Then you look into your own heart, and what you see are scars and wounds.
Scars = what you've been through
Wounds = what you're going through
People go through hardships every now and then.
May it be related to studies, work, family, friends, relationships, leadership position and all, there ought to be some dramatic stuff going on that never tends to go your way somehow.
But things happen, and it's what you do and how you look at those problems that make up for how "problems" are defined.
So what exactly are "problems"?
And if life is hard, what is it compared to?
We get to choose what we see and how we think and feel.
We get to choose how we react and respond to things thrown at us.
We choose to see the wounds/scars and feel all down and frustrated.
We choose to pretend the wounds/scars aren't there and ignore everything.
Then again, we choose to look at the wounds/scars and not let them affect us.
So do and stare contest with the wounds/scars or something. Challenge them and say "You don't determine who I am for I'm still strong to move on and live on my style."
One choice changes everything. So let everything be okay.
Know what my biggest problem is right now? I'm craving for chocolate cake at one in the morning now but there's no chocolate cake in the refrigerator. And I have class in 8 hours and here I am still blogging. Hashtag first world problems.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
HOMAIGERD DONID SLEEP ONE AH YOU ALL
That's one of the things Jo Ng often says on the whatsapp group when the YOLO clan starts spamming each other at one or two in the morning. It's also the sentence which I can laugh about, especially when I can actually imagine him saying it aloud. And it's also one of the sentences I'm often reminded of when I start sleeping later than 1am, like now.
I actually don't know what I'm trying to type here, but it's more on the feeling where sometimes people can't stay satisfied all the time. As much as we want to stay happy and optimistic all the time, we can't. We're human beings and our emotions are a roller coaster ride. Then again, what's life without a few ups and downs?
Yes, we do get frustrated at things when they don't work out even when we've spend 10,000 years working on it; we get irritated when a car cuts your line illegally without putting any indicator; we feel betrayed and lost when your best friend suddenly turns his/her back on you. Then again, how would we know that we're happy and in for a hopeful change, if there aren't any of those downfall moments?
What's that saying again? ... Oh right. "Rather hurt than feel nothing at all."
I used to think "I'd rather feel nothing than hurt so much." Then turning it around, this is life. We can't just stop feeling. We have feelings. I believe that things happen for a reason, and that when something is taken away from you, something better is just around the corner. Timing's the only walalala thing. Not to mention you first need to heal your heart and feel better before something greater comes your way.
I guess I just get emotional a lot, not in a bad way. I tend to overthink and overfeel.
Like the other day at Song Yee's birthday party.
"The friends whom even if you haven't seen for a million years, but when you meet up it's like you guys have never lost contact."
And on the last day we had cell together as a Subang Campus group.
"To make way for better things. I'm really going to miss them, though I know I'll still be seeing them a lot; just not on Friday nights anymore LOL."
I just tend to make captions of my life in my mind. But in the end, I appreciate every moment I'm going through right now. For all the good and happy moments, there's room for improvements; and for all the upset moments, I know things will be better in the future.
Here's to lots of love to all people out there. Here's to a better future for all.
*I'm just out of fancy words to use. Mehh the repetition of words.*
I actually don't know what I'm trying to type here, but it's more on the feeling where sometimes people can't stay satisfied all the time. As much as we want to stay happy and optimistic all the time, we can't. We're human beings and our emotions are a roller coaster ride. Then again, what's life without a few ups and downs?
Yes, we do get frustrated at things when they don't work out even when we've spend 10,000 years working on it; we get irritated when a car cuts your line illegally without putting any indicator; we feel betrayed and lost when your best friend suddenly turns his/her back on you. Then again, how would we know that we're happy and in for a hopeful change, if there aren't any of those downfall moments?
What's that saying again? ... Oh right. "Rather hurt than feel nothing at all."
I used to think "I'd rather feel nothing than hurt so much." Then turning it around, this is life. We can't just stop feeling. We have feelings. I believe that things happen for a reason, and that when something is taken away from you, something better is just around the corner. Timing's the only walalala thing. Not to mention you first need to heal your heart and feel better before something greater comes your way.
I guess I just get emotional a lot, not in a bad way. I tend to overthink and overfeel.
Like the other day at Song Yee's birthday party.
And on the last day we had cell together as a Subang Campus group.
I just tend to make captions of my life in my mind. But in the end, I appreciate every moment I'm going through right now. For all the good and happy moments, there's room for improvements; and for all the upset moments, I know things will be better in the future.
Here's to lots of love to all people out there. Here's to a better future for all.
*I'm just out of fancy words to use. Mehh the repetition of words.*
Sunday, June 16, 2013
More second chances
When I first heard about cell multiplying last month, I thought that the fishy Su Ean was only joking.
Then when I knew that cell was actually multiplying, I thought "Hey, it's not that bad. We're multiplied into 2 groups, but least we're still together...kinda in a way" when I saw that the Ben C clan and the Sueen clan were still gathered under the same roof.
Then yesterday, Jo Ng announced for the third time that this month will be the last month where we would be having cell together as one. It was the first time I heard it from the cell leader himself.
--------------------
I still remember how I first joined cell. It wasn't too long ago; it was just months ago.
On 12th October 2012 night, I was stressed, frustrated, upset and sad. I knew I couldn't concentrate on anything so I skipped piano class and went to find KJ. He was at HSG. Note that KJ had previously been asking me to join cell and I declined and declined, until that night, not only was KJ in HSG, so were the Subang Campus Carecell people.
It's funny how things work, and that everything just so happens to be right where they are at the specific timing? Like how Aaron Daniel puts it, "Think about it. There is a reason why you are where you are. You can be anywhere in this world, but you are here."
I remember on 12th October last year, I walked into the room with puffy eyes and super red cheeks. My hair was covering half my face and I was looking at the ground the whole time. But nobody judged. Instead they included me as I was a part of them.
We did a little introduction here and there, shared some fond memories of the past, and to share what were some of the good and bad decisions we made in life. I started tearing at the bad decisions part, and while everyone started giving a concern look, I thought they were judging.
As I was about to leave, I told myself "No way I'm coming back already with that bad first impression", but Laureen came up to me and gave me a hug. I haven't had a proper hug in months and it was one of the things I needed most. For once in a long time, I relaxed and let myself go, and that small act from this wonderful woman was only the beginning, for the first time in 12 months, where I allowed someone into this complicated life of mine and let them help me.
--------------------
I was able to leave my dark, gloomy days behind, and it was their friendliness, warm welcoming and genuine concerns where I went back to cell a second time, a third time, forth time, fifth time, sixth.
So back to 2013 today, next Friday will be the last day that we will be having cell as one group before the expansion in July.
Sure it had been quite emotional for me; I had no clue that this was a part of a life lesson telling me that life moves on. I didn't know that we were going to expand and to be multiplied into 2 groups. I just didn't know.
But on the contrary, better things await. Carecell's a place to expand so that people can reach out towards more people who needs the care, the hug, the love.
By multiplying, cell is able to do much more to make an impact in life.
By multiplying, cell is able to create chances and opportunities for people.
By multiplying, cell is able to bring more smile and happiness around.
So, am I sad that I'd be seeing Ben C's clan less? Yes.
But I'm also happy and excited to know that the future is good. I look forward to seeing more miracles happening, and more inspiration to be spread out there. And the current and ex-members? I'll guess I'll still be seeing them every here and there.
So, to the Subang Campus Carecell people, thank you for everything.
I wouldn't be where I am today without you guys.
Thank you for being a part of my life, and thank you for showing me that there's so much more to life.
No matter whether I've known you 800 years ago or only recently, you all are wonderful and fabulous.
I love you all :)
People missing in the pic: Laureen, Sarah Ann, Matthew, Nick Siew, Su Ean, Adrien
Then when I knew that cell was actually multiplying, I thought "Hey, it's not that bad. We're multiplied into 2 groups, but least we're still together...kinda in a way" when I saw that the Ben C clan and the Sueen clan were still gathered under the same roof.
Then yesterday, Jo Ng announced for the third time that this month will be the last month where we would be having cell together as one. It was the first time I heard it from the cell leader himself.
--------------------
I still remember how I first joined cell. It wasn't too long ago; it was just months ago.
On 12th October 2012 night, I was stressed, frustrated, upset and sad. I knew I couldn't concentrate on anything so I skipped piano class and went to find KJ. He was at HSG. Note that KJ had previously been asking me to join cell and I declined and declined, until that night, not only was KJ in HSG, so were the Subang Campus Carecell people.
It's funny how things work, and that everything just so happens to be right where they are at the specific timing? Like how Aaron Daniel puts it, "Think about it. There is a reason why you are where you are. You can be anywhere in this world, but you are here."
I remember on 12th October last year, I walked into the room with puffy eyes and super red cheeks. My hair was covering half my face and I was looking at the ground the whole time. But nobody judged. Instead they included me as I was a part of them.
We did a little introduction here and there, shared some fond memories of the past, and to share what were some of the good and bad decisions we made in life. I started tearing at the bad decisions part, and while everyone started giving a concern look, I thought they were judging.
As I was about to leave, I told myself "No way I'm coming back already with that bad first impression", but Laureen came up to me and gave me a hug. I haven't had a proper hug in months and it was one of the things I needed most. For once in a long time, I relaxed and let myself go, and that small act from this wonderful woman was only the beginning, for the first time in 12 months, where I allowed someone into this complicated life of mine and let them help me.
--------------------
I was able to leave my dark, gloomy days behind, and it was their friendliness, warm welcoming and genuine concerns where I went back to cell a second time, a third time, forth time, fifth time, sixth.
So back to 2013 today, next Friday will be the last day that we will be having cell as one group before the expansion in July.
Sure it had been quite emotional for me; I had no clue that this was a part of a life lesson telling me that life moves on. I didn't know that we were going to expand and to be multiplied into 2 groups. I just didn't know.
But on the contrary, better things await. Carecell's a place to expand so that people can reach out towards more people who needs the care, the hug, the love.
By multiplying, cell is able to do much more to make an impact in life.
By multiplying, cell is able to create chances and opportunities for people.
By multiplying, cell is able to bring more smile and happiness around.
So, am I sad that I'd be seeing Ben C's clan less? Yes.
But I'm also happy and excited to know that the future is good. I look forward to seeing more miracles happening, and more inspiration to be spread out there. And the current and ex-members? I'll guess I'll still be seeing them every here and there.
So, to the Subang Campus Carecell people, thank you for everything.
I wouldn't be where I am today without you guys.
Thank you for being a part of my life, and thank you for showing me that there's so much more to life.
No matter whether I've known you 800 years ago or only recently, you all are wonderful and fabulous.
I love you all :)
People missing in the pic: Laureen, Sarah Ann, Matthew, Nick Siew, Su Ean, Adrien
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Final sem
Hi. I'm majoring in Journalism and I'm currently pursuing my final semester in UCSI University with many other awesome people. This sem ends in August and excluding the part where we need to hand in our coop reports and go for our convocations, we'll no longer need to go back to UCSI! Whoooots!
Though it's kinda scary, where you have been waiting for this moment for so long that it felt like it's only something to be achieved, that now that final sem's finally here, it hits you saying "It's really here now. Are you ready?"
I think I'm gonna miss being a college student.
I'm gonna miss everyone I've got the chance to work with, may it be in hardcore teamwork, or cacat'd group members.
I'm gonna miss rushing for assignments and all the "There's test tomorrow?!!"
And I'm definitely gonna miss complaining about the projectors that are forever failing on us, complaining on the slow wifi, complaining about how people rush into elevators like there's no tomorrow, and what about the sudden increased parking rate to RM4 and the cacat'ed LMS system, and the sudden change of the printing system?
This week marks Week 6 for this semester, and I feel that time is really flying pass us.
Assignments are piling up and I really should read about that Obama case study, like, right, now.
8 more weeks to go.
Though it's kinda scary, where you have been waiting for this moment for so long that it felt like it's only something to be achieved, that now that final sem's finally here, it hits you saying "It's really here now. Are you ready?"
I think I'm gonna miss being a college student.
I'm gonna miss everyone I've got the chance to work with, may it be in hardcore teamwork, or cacat'd group members.
I'm gonna miss rushing for assignments and all the "There's test tomorrow?!!"
And I'm definitely gonna miss complaining about the projectors that are forever failing on us, complaining on the slow wifi, complaining about how people rush into elevators like there's no tomorrow, and what about the sudden increased parking rate to RM4 and the cacat'ed LMS system, and the sudden change of the printing system?
This week marks Week 6 for this semester, and I feel that time is really flying pass us.
Assignments are piling up and I really should read about that Obama case study, like, right, now.
8 more weeks to go.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Continued from previous post
As I lost all purpose in living, I never believed that I was special in my own way.
Only one person stayed with me through all the thick moments.
"You're only surviving; you're not living anymore," he used to say.
KJ started inviting me to go for outings together with the Subang carecell members.
Trust me, the beginning had been the hardest.
I hesitated a lot.
One part of me wanted to stay in my comfort zone in bed; the other part had a small voice telling me this was a way out of misery.
It wasn't easy though. Even after hanging out with the cell people for months, I turned down all happening events. I made up excuses not to go for 2012's Christmas party at Sueen's. Then I turned down Victor's first-organized waterfall trip early 2013.
I remember there was once in cell we were all asked to draw anything on this one paper to describe cell late 2012. I held back, only thinking I'd screw up the whole masterpiece if I were to touch it.
But even though so, these cell people never gave up on me. They continued to believe in me, having faith that I wasn't the screwed up person I saw myself.
They continued to find me, talk to me, listen to me, and had always included me in all outings.
When I shared out a summary of my misery, they cheered for me instead, for having the courage to admit it aloud.
When I shared the worst part of my down-fall, they didn't judge at all. They didn't even look at me like one kind. They didn't scold or ask why I did what I did. Instead they told me "People make mistakes."
They taught me how to stand up right again; this time returning even stronger.
I'm not proud of what I've been through or the bad decisions I've made in the past, but I'm proud to say I've gone through it and have gotten out of it, as for today I've truly forgiven myself.
----------------------------------------------
I would say I went through a lot. I went through self-blaming, self-hatred, low self-esteem moments. Learning to let go and forgive myself for the things I've done was the hardest, but I did it. Was it necessary for me to go through so much pain to learn what I'm capable of? Of course not. But then, everything happens for a reason. And if I didn't meet my ex, I would not have met these awesome people today. I would not have gone through this tough journey and learn to get out of it. I found my goals and I know what I want. I know what I'm doing and where I want to go in the future.
I've learnt a lot in this journey to benefit future me, but I've also learnt that many people are going through what I went through. People who feel like they're useless, they have no purpose in life, nobody understands, nobody listens, nobody accepts. But what I want to say, if you need a shoulder to lean on, there will be people around who wants to help. Even if it seems like the whole world is going against you, remember there is still someone out there who loves your smile.
Sometimes we think that it's weak calling for help, but I say it's the first step of bravery. If you're wanting to be heard, your life isn't over. You want help but you're just afraid. You don't want to die; you just want to be heard, be loved, be appreciated and for someone to say you're special.
I used to judge until I was judged. And I'm just a little crazy here and there. And just for anyone who needs to be heard, you may message me at my Facebook account whether you know or not know me. I can't promise anything in return or be there 24/7 personally, but I can promise I'll do my best to helping anyone who needs help. Never do I want anyone I know to go through what I went through.
I was in depression for over 18 months. Today I stand strong and look forward to tomorrow everyday.
Thank you KJ, Jo, Laureen, Sueen, Victor, Ben C, Isaiah, Su Ean, Sarah Ann, Samantha, Nick Lau.
Only one person stayed with me through all the thick moments.
"You're only surviving; you're not living anymore," he used to say.
KJ started inviting me to go for outings together with the Subang carecell members.
Trust me, the beginning had been the hardest.
I hesitated a lot.
One part of me wanted to stay in my comfort zone in bed; the other part had a small voice telling me this was a way out of misery.
It wasn't easy though. Even after hanging out with the cell people for months, I turned down all happening events. I made up excuses not to go for 2012's Christmas party at Sueen's. Then I turned down Victor's first-organized waterfall trip early 2013.
I remember there was once in cell we were all asked to draw anything on this one paper to describe cell late 2012. I held back, only thinking I'd screw up the whole masterpiece if I were to touch it.
But even though so, these cell people never gave up on me. They continued to believe in me, having faith that I wasn't the screwed up person I saw myself.
They continued to find me, talk to me, listen to me, and had always included me in all outings.
When I shared out a summary of my misery, they cheered for me instead, for having the courage to admit it aloud.
When I shared the worst part of my down-fall, they didn't judge at all. They didn't even look at me like one kind. They didn't scold or ask why I did what I did. Instead they told me "People make mistakes."
They taught me how to stand up right again; this time returning even stronger.
I'm not proud of what I've been through or the bad decisions I've made in the past, but I'm proud to say I've gone through it and have gotten out of it, as for today I've truly forgiven myself.
----------------------------------------------
I would say I went through a lot. I went through self-blaming, self-hatred, low self-esteem moments. Learning to let go and forgive myself for the things I've done was the hardest, but I did it. Was it necessary for me to go through so much pain to learn what I'm capable of? Of course not. But then, everything happens for a reason. And if I didn't meet my ex, I would not have met these awesome people today. I would not have gone through this tough journey and learn to get out of it. I found my goals and I know what I want. I know what I'm doing and where I want to go in the future.
I've learnt a lot in this journey to benefit future me, but I've also learnt that many people are going through what I went through. People who feel like they're useless, they have no purpose in life, nobody understands, nobody listens, nobody accepts. But what I want to say, if you need a shoulder to lean on, there will be people around who wants to help. Even if it seems like the whole world is going against you, remember there is still someone out there who loves your smile.
Sometimes we think that it's weak calling for help, but I say it's the first step of bravery. If you're wanting to be heard, your life isn't over. You want help but you're just afraid. You don't want to die; you just want to be heard, be loved, be appreciated and for someone to say you're special.
I used to judge until I was judged. And I'm just a little crazy here and there. And just for anyone who needs to be heard, you may message me at my Facebook account whether you know or not know me. I can't promise anything in return or be there 24/7 personally, but I can promise I'll do my best to helping anyone who needs help. Never do I want anyone I know to go through what I went through.
I was in depression for over 18 months. Today I stand strong and look forward to tomorrow everyday.
Thank you KJ, Jo, Laureen, Sueen, Victor, Ben C, Isaiah, Su Ean, Sarah Ann, Samantha, Nick Lau.
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