The greatest gift you can give to someone is your time

It was Victor's 22nd birthday on Monday where he cleared out the entire day (even skipped class!) so that his friends could bring him out. Asked him what he wanted on his special day, he answered "Nothing much. Hoping my friends to be creative." The fella super laidback only. Then with Jo's enthusiasm in having sleepovers, that was what we exactly did at my place. And at 11pm on Sunday night, that began the start of one of the best 24 hours spent together.

When the clock struck 12, a huge chocolate cake presented itself and the candles were blown. It was only until 3am where we hogged and slept like logs in the living room. I guess it was a funny scene for my dad to come home hours later to find Jo and Sam sleeping in the downstairs guest room, Victor and KJ sleeping on the floor, and Laureen and myself taking up the two couches.

We spent Monday playing Chapter 3 of Mice and Mystics and a game of Monopoly before heading off to TGIF in Midvally for a long dinner. Though it didn't seem much to do, time flew by. It was a fun experience especially being able to spend time together talking, laughing, staying up late, talking some more, laughing some more and waking people up with pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows. God only knows how strong the bond was strengthened.

Victor had a great time in the end (by seeing how he spammed Facebook, Twitter and text messages) and it was a really satisfying feeling felt that he felt happy and valued and loved on this special day. It was an "awwww", all warm and fuzzy moment to know he appreciated everything that was done to place him in spotlight.

Though I've only personally known him less than a year, cheers to more birthdays to come and for this friendship's existence. Looking forward to more years to come, and quoting Victor, stoked to see what's gonna happen to the Saujana gang in the future.

I'm a hopeless romantic

I don't wish for future him to be tall dark handsome, nor do I want him to stay a crazy workaholic. Nope. I would just want quality time where we would laugh over things together.
I don't wish for him being the smartest, strongest, funniest person alive, as he would fulfill all when he meets my three criteria. These criteria; they seem so easy to meet but are actually so hard to find.

I like the idea of falling in love. I like the idea of love itself. I like the idea of flowers and chocolate and handwritten letters and candle-light dinner. They don't need to be expensive; they just have to be genuine. And of course, there's always the part to meeting the three standards set.

I don't wish for future him to be perfect in every single way from the way he walks, talks, dresses, eats and socializes. In the end of the day, I just wish for him of two things, where one consists that he'll accept about that one past mistake and not mind one bit.
I wish for that.

Sometimes things don't work out for better plans to take place

I can't do this anymore.

I talk about it a lot. Not because I'm not over it, but because it has became a turning point for me for another chance at life. Gaining a lot from it, not only did it open up my eyes, it showed me this wasn't uncommon. One way or another, everyone goes through similar situations. There are many things that we don't dare face, accept, conquer, fight. Kinda in a way we just stare, hoping they'll go away in time. But problems don't just go away. You do something, and everything starts with the mind. If the mind can't think straight, what gives the ability to anyone to...expand?

I don't understand.

I had never been the one to appreciate the things I had. In fact, I was the kind that focused a lot on what I didn't have. I had never seen how rich I already was with quite a satisfying fulfillment of the basic psychological human needs. I had shelter, food, good health, friendship, family but I was never satisfied. I shot myself with questions like "Why no" instead of "Why yes". Adding salt to the wound, I didn't really know how to appreciate anything until they were gone. I was constantly focusing on my flaws and making unhealthy comparisons that I didn't believe that born to do something great.

I don't see us in the future.

I was pampered growing up. I have such protective parents they made sure I was always safe and had the best of everything. I was safe behind walls that I never saw any of the ugly side of the world. I knew about human trafficking, suicides and drug cases, teenage pregnancy; but I never acknowledged them, thinking if I didn't think of them, they wouldn't be real. So wrong, so wrong. Then I got involved in self-abuse and self-hatred and suddenly everything felt so real. It was scary. Everything suddenly became so dark. Where were the fairy tales happily ever after and rainbows and sunlight and greens?

We can try to make it work.

I talk about it a lot. Not because I'm still living in the past and not wanting to move on, but because I have accepted it and I need a reminder -- a reminder to tell me not to take anything for granted. Things happen for a reason and how the mind thinks, it's just equally as important in trying to do something. Problems are being thrown at us every now and then, and that serves as a strong faith, trust and belief. If I could have gone through all that and had actually managed to get out of it, what are the challenges and tests slapped at me right now? Sap sap sui. And if I can move on and still can laugh about it, everyone else can.

It's not going to work. I hope for the best in your future.

"The future", it's a funny word. Every new day is a future. Tomorrow's the future; the next hour minute second is the future. Aaaaaand the future finally seems to be working out alright :)

Signing off at 12.52am. Good night.

When there are "Hello"s, there are "Goodbye"s

As I walked into the campus this morning, I looked up to Block A's building where the 'UCSI' word has got to be the most obvious sign to tell you you're in the right place. Kuala Lumpur, South Wing.

And I can't help but to think back (again!) of how much has happened since the first time I set foot in this place -- Fell down right at the entrance on a rainy evening and hurt my back. Couldn't walk or sit or lay without feeling pain for 3 days. (Then I fell down again on my own front porch a week later.)

UCSI seemed like the perfect choice because of its location and low cost of fees.
Then we moved and I contributed in making the road more jammed every weekday morning.

First sem in May 2010 has got to be the beginning of the most epic change of my life.
Counting down the times, I've never been good at learning from mistakes until then.
I literally fell for a fella, where I actually fell in front of him and twisted my ankle on the staircase.
(Oh, and I walked into the library's sliding glass door that once.)

Well, of course things didn't work out and here I am!
(Scary how everything happened and links to result in where you stand, or fall, today.)

Nothing epic happened recently. Almost kena robbed 5 months back, a fire at Hilltop, and a bus that went haywired and crashed in campus. Yeah. Nothing much. I'm just thankful I didn't fall anymore.

So I've just been back from taking the final exam paper, and that marked the last day of the semester!

Ever actually tried laughing and staring at a paper because you had no idea what to answer or how to place words into sentences, and that you know you're just - one word - screwed?
10 minutes had passed when I realized I had just been staring at the paper.
(These things actually do happen!)

Love, heartbreak, friendship, faith, belief and lots of crazy stuff in the past 10 semesters, uni had definitely given me priceless and unforgettable experiences.
Can't wait to see what the next stage would bring :)

Black and white keys

She lay on the couch. Looking up to the ceiling while stroking her dog's tangled fur, time slowed down.
She got up and looked around the room. Still and silent. Still and -- silent.

"What was all that about?"

Too still. Too quiet.
She walked to the black and white keys, and stayed there for hours.

Married men. Why do some act like they're single?
Single women. Why do some go after men who just aren't -- single?
And why do life questions always seem to appear out of nowhere when you're thinking about absolutely nothing on a lazy weekend afternoon?

She'd been up all night. She never expected that.
Not at 1 A.M.
Not at 3 A.M.
And definitely not at 5 A.M.
She fell asleep even before the clock struck 5 anyway.

3 o'clock. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't feel anything.
6 o'clock. Messages came flooding in. And they just continued.
9 o'clock. It doesn't seem as hurtful as she thought it would be.
12 o'clock. I don't think she's gonna learn.

She had her answer, and that was all that was needed.

Secrets

I've never been good at keeping them.

Don't get me wrong. I keep people's secrets; I just don't keep mine to myself LOL.

I don't have secrets; I only have things that people don't know about.

Bits and pieces of my life are shared among all my friends and family.

I don't believe in secrets; I just believe that people should have their privacy on certain matters and not everyone should know everything.

For me, I don't feel the need to hide anything, and hiding something about myself isn't me.
I'm quite cacat this way.

But now there's one and it's killing me that I can't tell.
Well, it's actually someone else's but it's kinda affecting me.
So how can I tell someone about it and not expose the person at the same time?
Way out of my comfort zone.

Why do people have secrets if you're not from the National Security, Defense and International Relations department anyway?
Apart from walking up to strangers and telling them your house address, where you put your keys and at what time you're not home, what are actually secrets for us normal ordinary people?

What are secrets meant to be?

What's graduating like?

Today marks the last class of the semester, my final semester.
So the 7 of us decided to celebrate this day with lunch at Marco's Pizza.
Previously, we received a cash voucher of RM150 for the best presentation in Branding class.
So why not?

Had we any idea the place was located right opposite of Kelana Jaya LRT Station, we would have just taken the train instead of driving 2 cars, being stuck in the jam for an hour, passing through tolls and being trolled by the GPS.

All in all, everything turned out great. We ordered 3 large pizzas, 4 soups and a drink each, which in total costed RM200. We kinda looked up the RM150 voucher a little too much.

Lunch went on for 2 hours, where we just talked and ate and talked. Madagascar 3 was shown on the television there, where we (were just being super awesome the way we were and) just sat there watching the movie like little kids. We made ourselves at home and literally laughed out loud at the restaurant.

More plans had been made for hang out sessions before most of them start their internship in September.

***

I would say, things had been crazy.
This hadn't exactly been the best week yet but it hadn't been the worst either. Today made it up.
I would definitely miss being a UCSI student where I get to walk in and out of classes with wonderful course mates.
Honestly, we all have regrets in life, and I would look back and always ask myself why I hadn't been hanging out with these people more, where I laid my priorities on something else that wasn't worthwhile for so long before this. (I'd only been getting close and started hanging out with them only this year.)
But we work along these regrets, where we learn from them and try our best not to repeat them, for I would always value the times these people had included me in their gatherings and social life.

There are still 2 more assignments that need to be handed in via email next week, and one final paper on the 14th August, and of course there's still a 4-month internship period to go next year. But, it's not the same anymore.
I don't have classes anymore. I don't need to go for consultations or work on anymore tutorials.
I wouldn't need to fork out so much money to print on colour'ed assignments or have to stress on redoing any written reports. I'm kinda in a way done as a Uni student.
I've kinda in a way graduated already. Not yet but it feels like it.

Even though there were lots of drama happening with lots of gossips around, and all the stressful works given, this last semester had been the best semester. 10 semesters had gone, leaving one more to go (for internship). Convocation next year will then be another story.

We've been looking forward to completing Degree for so long, and now that it's here, it's actually here.
I haven't even graduate, and I'm missing life as a student already. Mehh.
Life moves on though, and it's kinda cool too that I'm moving on to the next stage in life.

I'll miss it but better things come to those who move and walk forward.
Everything that's going on right now may seem like the perfect place to stay in right now, but for how long?
Comfort zones need to be pushed out from and time doesn't wait.
We seize the opportunity and when the time permits, it's time.
I'll miss UCSI times, but even better things await.

As for those who are still stuck in UCSI for another semester or another year to go (especially in Mass Comm course), Oooooomygosh. Good luck, because with all the changes made in the past 2 years, you'll be needing it a lot more than you think.

Signing off at 1.15am.
Good night!

July

When you think of February, you think of red and Valentines Day.

Same when you think of December, you think of green and Christmas.
So what about July? What comes in mind when you think of July?

For me, July had always been the most dramatic month for as long as I can remember (2009).

From all the funny funny things that happened, to the most heartbreaking moments, to the most memorable times, to the promising ends and all sorts of stuff, July had always been crazy.

As for this July, it had treated me fair. Still dramatic, but fair and crazy.

It had it's most stressful and frustrating moments, made me feel restless and fell sick halfway through. Not to mention had to redo assignments and my car battery died one night.

Then again, July had me catch up with a long-lost friend, reminded me that I have wonderful jimui's and cell members, and that there's more than just a July to look out for. Something's telling me that things are going to get better, just like how every other day will bring a new light.

I've been focusing so much on the negatives of what happened in the past few July's that when that came to a halt last year, it kinda marked a turning point for me last year 2012.
So I kinda fancy July in a weird way now, wanting to see how the coming July's would be.
Glad to say this July had been fun, and that I've been free a year now.

So July's ending in 30 minutes and 31 minutes later marks August.
A new day, a new month.
And...I guess I'll see July next year :)

Honestly speaking right now? Frustration mode is on. But what on earth. Everyone has problems but not everyone is unhappy.
My problem la. How a person handle the things thrown at them determines who they are, and I'm doing no good here.
React or respond? Respond or react?