Without music, life would be a blank to me (Emma Jane Austen)

13 years isn't a short period of time, and being here 13 years later, I am more than thankful for my parents to have sign me up for my very first piano lessons at 8 years old.

Every week had been busy and stressful for the past 13 years, as being lazy winds up having you not being able to practice any piano pieces and hence get scolded during classes. Strict teachers are good; they make you fear them in a way, in a good way.

Today, I walked into One World Hotel and played all 4 ATCL pieces. It took me 3 years to this exam day. I only have myself to blame in why it took so long.

Many people stop at Grade 8 but my parents insisted that I continued on, for at 17, I still hadn't a clue what I wanted to do.

Many people stop at ATCL, for that brings many opportunities in the music industry. Then of course that is followed by LTCL and FTCL. Who knows, right?

So is this the end, or is this just the beginning? We'll see.

You are who you mix with

And because of that, I love hanging out with the HSG people.

I'm not trying to imply that it's because they're religious or something; but it's because they talk about the future. They talk about ambitions and what they see themselves doing in years' time. But not just the talking, they make it happen, by setting goals in life and trying to reach out to achieve their dreams. Some are doing it; some are on the way. Anyhow, it's miraculous to see the journey they are on to success.

A lot of people out there are working 9-5pm daily earning hundreds or thousands, but too often ask themselves, "What am I doing with my life?" I don't want to be that person.

I admit that I've been stuck here awhile, seemingly going no where for awhile. (I guess mainly it's because I've been with people who are just talking about assignments due next week and what are the fun things to do right here right now). Life is short and enjoy it; yes. But there's also a time where people need to grow up. Stay young but also, grow up. A long holiday isn't as fun as it seems to be. I want to head somewhere, and heading no where with no extra knowledge in mind (mind's been a huge blank for weeks), it's scary.

The past few years had everything figured out, especially when it's just education from kinddie, elementary, secondary to college. Homework, school activities and projects were the reason behind that major burnout. But it's a bigger picture now, in what you want to do. Career has never been more a bigger word. (It's not just a job. It's life. Your whole life for the next few decades.)

I've tried various part time jobs in order to gain experiences, but none of them were meant to accompany me for long. I wouldn't want to stay in a boutique shop just selling clothes for 20 years, neither do I want to just stay as a part-time staff hopping around. I dream of something bigger.

I'm struggling; yes. But I'll know what I want and I'll work towards that.

Close the chapter of the past

You talk about all the suffering and how you came back stronger and more mature. You know that you'll never repeat any of those mistakes and that you'll never be caught dead harming yourself anymore. You're proud of how far you've came, and that you've met your true friends. You're free from all that self-hatred and you've found yourself. You're moving on and you're doing great things in life. The future has never been brighter. Then you think about the reason behind all that happened, and you wonder whether you'll ever love again.

You wonder if you hadn't been too dependent on him, would you two still be together?
If you knew what you know today, that you'll respect him and make sure he respected you as well, could things have worked out?

You know you'll never go back to the past, and if he comes back right now, you'll say no.

Fear may hinder you now but it can't haunt you forever.

You'll love again one day. You'll see. And you'll see why that never worked out.

Geeks

It's almost been a month that I've been working at MyBurgerLab in OUG. And not one day in the last 19 shifts did it feel anything like work.

This period of time with the geeks had been all about working as a team to serve high quality burgers in mere minutes. I guess it's because of the close age group and where everyone has something in common (the lab), that it brings us close. It's kinda to a point where pijak'ing each other doesn't seem offending at all. These geeks are all jokers and jokers I say.

Inside jokes: She-hulk, Cikgu Chin talking to the wall, scandals, CIO's, what is sleep? Mute whatsapp!

How we've grown from junior geeks to senior geeks today, it's been crazy and it's been fun. The sense of acceptance and belonging is high, making the environment filled with dedication, passion, enthusiasm and cheerfulness. It makes sense now when the managers had mentioned that MBL is like a second family to lot of geeks in earlier shifts.

Much unforgettable experience gained, and much more funny people in the name of friendships made. The last 3 months of 2013 is something I've never thought I would go through.

Here's to another 8 shifts to go, and another 8 awesome shifts it will be.

Folding pockets with some of the OUG geeks before shift started.

A real great pleasure to meet them all.

Climbing plastic rocks

"Go rock climbing," Viknes said a few months ago. "It's fun," he said.

"Oh, you're afraid of heights? Me too. But nevermind. Just climb."

Okay. Those weren't the exact words that he said, but it was what he meant.

So there I was, in mid-air hanging on to plastic rocks at noon today, using my almighty strength hanging onto dear life. It was indeed fun and challenging but as a person with acrophobia, I died a million times up there. But YOLO right? Again! Again!

And practically, the caption says it all. Imma proud of myself! :D

And it's great to be living in the same neighborhood with this squash buddy. Here's to more rock climbing sections (with more discounts)!

When worrying becomes an illness

"It's stage fright" when I tremble upon every piano exam and concert.
"I'm just nervous" when I fall sick a day before every school exam.
"I'm just sad" when I fell into mild depression thinking it was normal after every break up.
"I just want to make sure" when I went home twice from OUG to check whether I locked the doors.
"I want to confirm" when I was the only one who wasn't a leader for the leadership camp at Cameron, and started freaking out.

Then, it became frequent.
Anxiety would attack at any time without warning or any apparent reason.
I would be no longer in control of my own emotions and would be super self-conscious, doubting my ability to do anything. Blanking out and breaking down happened way too often.

It didn't really affect my life much. But at one point, it hurt me and everyone around.
It doesn't affect much today, but I would turn into what someone will think "Calm down! You're freaking out over nothing!", and believe me, it's not a good feeling at all.

However, it got better in time. And today it only happens when something out of the box jumps out.
Well, you've got to know that I'm the kind who loves staying in her comfort zone. But knowing that's not good for me, I'm going against all odds and trying all sorts of new challenges. And with that, I'm more in control of my emotions.

Though it still does happen once in a while, like example, it's my first time doing assembly line at MyBurgerLab tomorrow, and the first thing that comes to mind is "what if I make mistakes? nah I'm just worried because it's something new" before something inside whispered "excuses".

Damn, self-confidence.

How I got better? Going for therapy would be a good idea but I never had the courage to tell anyone (no one believed me anyway, and no one thought it was that serious). In other words, I depended on myself, and had great friends around to cheer me up (everyone thinks I'm just sad, but He knows best). If I couldn't get help the way other people got help, He had other plans for recovery, and He knew best.

No one's perfect, and that's what makes everyone beautiful.

Fate in friendships

Some people live in the same area but have never met.
Some people go to churches that are located in the same area but have never met.
Some people study at the same uni but have never met.
Some people have many mutual friends but have never met.

Too many times we walk out of a room, only does another person walk in.
You never get to meet that person.

Then fate comes in.

Maybe you've forgotten to take a notebook, so you head back into the room and there you two bump into each other. You exchange "Hello"s and notice how weird things tend to happen around.

Fate lets you meet the people you meet, and if two people aren't fated to meet, no matter how much they have in common, they'll never know of each other's existences.

The people you come across in life are weird stories to be told.
Imagine in another universe, where you take another route in life, that maybe you didn't head back to take your notebook, or that you had never left your notebook in the first place. You and that specific person would have never met. Instead, by walking out that door and continuing your way on the streets, you might just bump into someone else, and that's where you exchange "Hello"s and meet a new friend.

It's funny how fate works.

And it's funny that this mind of mine tends to always think of endless possibilities that could have happened if I had chosen another path. Life would be so different. Life may be better then, but this life is definitely good enough for me, and there's nothing I would exchange for another path to not meeting the people I have met today :)