I already felt honoured to be one of the chosen ones and confirmed my attendance right away.
No harm trying something new when given a chance to.
Tuesday morning ended with lots of laughter and "Damn it. Can I try again?" moments. I've got to experienced how it was like to work behind scenes even when it only took an hour.
Then, just hours ago, I was informed that I've gotten the role for the Journalism pathway.
It was unbelievable. I was shocked and became speechless.
Me. Of all talented and non stage fright people, I was one of the 6 students who were chosen to contribute in the video!
It took me a moment to absorb it in, and when it hit me, I broke down.
I cried because I'm thankful for given the opportunity to be a part of a video in uni.
I'm thankful that I was given an opportunity just 3 days ago to help out in a music video competition.
I'm grateful that I was given a chance, even with my weak shooting skills, to be a part of the photography team at a church event.
I cried because I'm given opportunities to try everything in life. I'm given a new chance, a new turn in life.
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Right about now, many might be thinking why am I exaggerating on small opportunities given to me. Many might wonder why am I even excited in participating something that isn't my interest nor does it offer me a dream come true or a future.
But before you have more questions in why this girl is being thankful over seemingly small matters, maybe you should know a little something of my past.
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In 2010, I gave up everything to be with my then-boyfriend. Being the selfish and narrow-minded person I was, I lost myself completely that I was no longer the happy, cheerful person people described me as. I pushed away all events, outings and opportunities given so that I could spend extra time with him. Overtime, I became insecure and suffered major low self-esteem. I had no confidence and was deeply dependent on people. I became emotional all the time. My whole world involved him and only him.
When he broke up with me in 2011, it felt like my whole world came crashing down. I became the crazy ex-girlfriend and did things I hated myself for. Nobody seemed to understand what I was going through. People started to judge, pointed fingers and pushed me away. I hung on, keeping everything to myself, crying my heart out day after day, hoping that he'd one day come back. He never did. And that was only the beginning of the worst of my life because a dark secret had begun stabbing me, killing me from the inside out.
Throughout 2012, I hated myself. I hated the mirror and I felt that everything around was just mocking me. I cried every day. I couldn't eat; I couldn't sleep. I felt sick every day. I cut myself and thought of ending this life. Everything seemed dark and gloomy and there was like no purpose of living anymore. For months, I hid in my room. Love? What love? Everything was just a lie. Nobody will ever have a happy ending. Nobody will ever love me. I'm a disgrace.
Until one day, a friend came up to me and said "Enough is enough."
(To be continued)
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