Sometimes things don't work out for better plans to take place

I can't do this anymore.

I talk about it a lot. Not because I'm not over it, but because it has became a turning point for me for another chance at life. Gaining a lot from it, not only did it open up my eyes, it showed me this wasn't uncommon. One way or another, everyone goes through similar situations. There are many things that we don't dare face, accept, conquer, fight. Kinda in a way we just stare, hoping they'll go away in time. But problems don't just go away. You do something, and everything starts with the mind. If the mind can't think straight, what gives the ability to anyone to...expand?

I don't understand.

I had never been the one to appreciate the things I had. In fact, I was the kind that focused a lot on what I didn't have. I had never seen how rich I already was with quite a satisfying fulfillment of the basic psychological human needs. I had shelter, food, good health, friendship, family but I was never satisfied. I shot myself with questions like "Why no" instead of "Why yes". Adding salt to the wound, I didn't really know how to appreciate anything until they were gone. I was constantly focusing on my flaws and making unhealthy comparisons that I didn't believe that born to do something great.

I don't see us in the future.

I was pampered growing up. I have such protective parents they made sure I was always safe and had the best of everything. I was safe behind walls that I never saw any of the ugly side of the world. I knew about human trafficking, suicides and drug cases, teenage pregnancy; but I never acknowledged them, thinking if I didn't think of them, they wouldn't be real. So wrong, so wrong. Then I got involved in self-abuse and self-hatred and suddenly everything felt so real. It was scary. Everything suddenly became so dark. Where were the fairy tales happily ever after and rainbows and sunlight and greens?

We can try to make it work.

I talk about it a lot. Not because I'm still living in the past and not wanting to move on, but because I have accepted it and I need a reminder -- a reminder to tell me not to take anything for granted. Things happen for a reason and how the mind thinks, it's just equally as important in trying to do something. Problems are being thrown at us every now and then, and that serves as a strong faith, trust and belief. If I could have gone through all that and had actually managed to get out of it, what are the challenges and tests slapped at me right now? Sap sap sui. And if I can move on and still can laugh about it, everyone else can.

It's not going to work. I hope for the best in your future.

"The future", it's a funny word. Every new day is a future. Tomorrow's the future; the next hour minute second is the future. Aaaaaand the future finally seems to be working out alright :)

Signing off at 12.52am. Good night.